DYNAMOTALE
by LazerTH
Summary: A Maverick goes treasure hunting in Mount Ebott, but finds redemption instead.
1. Mount Ebott

**DYNAMOTALE**

An Undertale / Megaman X crossover by LazerTH

 _For Hannah_

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Author's note: This crossover is all Hannah's fault (of course, I share the blame because Dynamo is my favourite Maverick).

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The man with silver hair walked alone under a purple sky. The dusty wind pushing against him was a constant, hot and inexorable as the blazing sun above, casting its burning rays through sickly clouds of ash. The man felt nothing, his sensors registered them as negligible environmental hazards. In the distance, Mount Ebott loomed above the wasteland that had once been the Earth.

"There is my treasure trove," the man said. His silver hair whipped and flashed in the wailing wind. "No-one will take it from me _this_ time."

He was not in a hurry. This place was far removed from the pitiful surface reclamation projects headed by the Maverick Hunters. They'd taken on the job of making the surface habitable for humans. There were no more human governments. No more human nations.

At last, reploids had inherited the Earth.

"Stupid Hunters," the man muttered to the mountain. "Stupid Sigma, stupid X, stupid Zero..."

He walked onward, leaning into the dust plumes, his huge boots finding easy purchase in the desiccated soil. Mount Ebott cast its shadow over him. This land was cursed. It was wrapped in legends the humans spun millennia ago, a place where monsters were buried. The man did not care. There was nothing worse than the surface world. He could handle whatever horrors lay waiting underground.

"Dungeons always have treasure, right?" he said as he began climbing. It was a silly notion, born from glittering treasure hoards buried in the pyramid tombs of Egyptian pharaohs and propagated over the ages by silly humans. He chuckled at their folly, his powerful legs leaping with dancelike precision from one rock to another.

Higher, higher still. The cruel winds swept down the mountainside, trying to push him away, trying to make him slip, but he was stronger and faster. Real treasure lay in personal power, not gold.

The mountain trail ended at a cave. At the mouth of the cave was a grisly sight: a human skeleton. A quick scan reported that it used to be a human child. His database analysed some of the charred bones to identify the murder weapon: an old, clumsy napalm emitter that was popular during the 2000's before it was replaced by modern fusion technology.

"A victim of the robot wars," the man muttered. His curiosity piqued, he stepped back outside to perform a wide scan of the mountain's base. There used to be a human village there, but it was destroyed by the same weapon used to kill the child. Sand, ash and dust had buried all visible traces of buildings and bones long ago. Satisfied that he had solved the mystery, he stepped over the bones to enter the cave.

His eyes saw through the darkness. Incredibly, plants grew here, brown roots and green vines emerging from a huge hole in the centre of the cave. There must be water below, protected from the nightmares outside. The man stood at the edge of the abyss. This was what the legends spoke of: the Barrier. His eyes could not see past it.

A thorough scan could not classify its energy signal. But it was very real.

This reminded him of the Nightmare Virus... a plague no conventional technology could scan or analyse. It took physical form, killing humans and reploids alike. The Maverick Hunters claimed to have eradicated the Nightmare during the sixth Maverick war.

The man contemplated the Barrier. It was strange that its power source had lasted this long. What had the ancient humans used? They could not possibly have developed something as advanced as the Nightmare Virus! The man didn't believe in magic.

"This is in my way."

The man with silver hair held out one large hand, his long white fingers dematerialising with a flash of blue light into the open mouth of his buster cannon. Energy gathered in the mouth, the bright blue plasma shot firing downward at the Barrier with a _pew!_

The shot passed through with no resistance, but no light shone out to show where it hit.

"Oh, it's one-way, then?" he said. Without a second thought, he hopped down.


	2. Flowey

The man with silver hair floated gently downward through darkness. He landed in the midst of orange flames. Yellow flowers burned all around him, sending an odd sweet smoke billowing around the cavern. He strode through the fire unharmed, his long legs carrying him down a corridor whose rock walls were hand-carved to smoothness. At the end, two noble Roman columns supported an arch carved with a winged triangle rune. Yes, this symbol corresponded with the legends.

The archway led him to another cavern, eerily similar to the one he'd arrived in. Sunlight held a patch of grass within its spotlight. There, a yellow flower with eyes and a mouth greeted him with a high-pitched trill.

"Howdy!"

The man with silver hair was silent. The flower frowned, continuing to speak in that screechy tone. "You're not human, are you? You desecrated Chara's grave. Chara is my brother."

The flower's face warped into a hideous grin as white bullets shot from all directions at the man with silver hair. The flower's voice rumbled with naked malevolence as it grunted, **"Die."**

There was a circular flash of pink light. The man with silver hair held a plasma sword in one hand. The white bullets were gone. His other hand was now a buster cannon pointed directly at the flower, whose dreadful grin became open-mouthed shock.

"Uh oh!" it cried, then plunged into the ground, followed by a bolt of plasma that incinerated the grass, glassing the soil.

"Missed," the man sighed, putting his weapons away. He looked up from the small fire to see a large white anthropomorphic goat standing at the other end of the cavern. She appeared to be female, judging by her long eyelashes, short horns, and matronly robe, which also carried the image of the winged triangle rune.

"Madam!" the man called out, waving one hand. The goat lady let out a little yelp then ran away on bare feet.

The man put one hand on his hip, hung his head and sighed. "I have no friends."


	3. Toriel

The man with silver hair dashed through the next archway, which opened into a courtyard. The goat lady was running up one side of a twin staircase that led to a castle entrance.

He stopped running then called out, "Madam, please wait!"

The goat lady ignored him and raced into the castle. The man rubbed the back of his helmet, surveying his surroundings. The courtyard was graced with red leaves that blanketed the stairs like a royal robe.

This castle must have treasure, right?

He cleared the stairs in a single bound, as free from gravity as he was from fear. Guards, traps... nothing would stop him. He entered the door adorned with green vines. The foyer held a... tile puzzle of some sort. The man tilted his head to one side. No fire-breathing dragons? No knights? The door was already open! He could hear her soft, quick footsteps in the corridor beyond.

There was a small clear stream covered with a wooden bridge in this corridor, the purplish walls creeping with green vines. The goat lady was almost through the exit on the far end.

"I would like to talk!" he shouted after her, but his words only spurred her onward. He sighed again, then dashed over the bridge, using his momentum to lift him into the air. He flew through the next doorway, colliding with a cotton dummy in the next room. This was, no doubt, a training dummy that this castle's knights used. But he saw no knights. Not one helmet, not one spear so far. Just conspicuous yellow switches and a recessed spike trap. Where was everyone? Was she alone here? He untangled himself from the cotton dummy, a frown slowly marking his face.

The man with silver hair accepted that he was chasing the goat lady, now. He was the villain and she was most likely one of the castle servants on her way to report an intruder. More corridors of purple stone and green vines blurred by. Then he came to a screeching halt when he finally encountered this castle's defender!

Was it a knight? A dragon? Manticore? No. It was a frog. A frog that meowed. The frown was now firmly fixed on the man's face.

"I'm being conned, aren't I?" he muttered with infinite despair. He had travelled so far, so long to get to this blasted mountain and all he had to show for it was a talking flower, a goat that walked on two legs and a meowing frog. He shrugged, bent over, then patted the meowing frog which hopped away. That was the appropriate human reaction, yes?

"Hold your head high, little cat frog. You have bravely defended the castle this day."

The man stood up. His smirk disappeared when he saw the veritable forest of spikes that blocked the corridor.

"Now THAT is a proper trap," he said. He'd have to leap the entire thing in one go, or die. Reploids were extremely vulnerable to spike traps. It was a universal, critical flaw in their design. He dashed, his leg boosters hurling him through the air. Yes! Safe landing! The trap wasn't that big, after all.

"I am the coolest," he said with a smirk. He kept running through the exit, entering the longest corridor yet. At the end was a thick Roman column the goat lady was using as a hiding place. His keen sensors picked up her heavy breathing, increased heart rate and even the sweat staining her robes. A strange feeling stung his core. Pity? Was that what humans called it?

His footsteps slowed to a walking pace. Intimidation was suddenly not an option. So... how do you calm down a frightened and exhausted goat lady? Was there a precedent? He searched the Internet. He could not get a signal down here but his near-limitless memory had archived _everything_ uploaded before crossing the Barrier. Ah, there it was, tucked away on a human-made forum archive hundreds of years old: give them raisins, crackers, and massages. He did not carry food, and he couldn't get close to her, so what other options were there? The answer came: sing to them.

 _Sing._ He didn't sing, he was a combat model! But he really wanted some treasure, too, and he wouldn't get any if the locals distrusted him. Well then, back to the Internet archive in his memory: he had every song ever composed by human or reploids. Oh, what about this one?

The man with silver hair cleared his throat of the dust from his travels. His voice rose with clear sorrow: "Every day. Every day I have the blues."

The goat lady peeked out from behind the column at him, her dark red eyes wide and staring. Ah, he had an audience now. Time to improvise. He spread his hands, head bent as he took a slow walk down the corridor, repeating the first line, then singing, "When you see me worried baby, you know it's _you_ I hate to lose." He punctuated the ' _you_ ' by pointing at the goat lady. She ducked, but kept looking at him. He then pulled his head back to regale the ceiling, beating one fist against his chest, singing in a mournful tone, "Nobody loves me. Nobody seems to care."

He then did a little shimmy while repeating the last line, continuing with the song, "Speaking of bad luck and trouble, well you know I've had my share. I'm gonna pack my suitcase, I'll be moving on down the line."

He mimicked the actions of picking up suitcases and carrying them as he repeated the last line, ending the song with one hopeful note: "Where there ain't nobody worried, and there ain't nobody crying."

He ended the song with a little hop and twist complete with jazz hands. That actually drew a giggle from his audience!

The man with silver hair and a golden voice took a deep bow, removing his helmet in one sweeping motion, letting his hair fall in a cascade of glittering strands. "Thank you very much."

The goat lady did not leave her hiding place, but said, "You are not human, are you?"

So, she could talk. Her voice sounded old, tired, but kind. He straightened up, helmet tucked under one arm while his other hand waved at her. His eyes were deep blue, his hair falling to either side of his handsome, perfectly symmetrical face in silver streams. "I am a reploid."

"What is that?"

"A human-shaped robot that thinks for myself. I have my own will."

"You are not programmed like a robot?"

"No, our DNA program is generated randomly in our body on the production line. My body is a combat model, but I don't like fighting. It's not in my DNA."

The goat lady withdrew behind her column, hiding once more. She said in an iron tone, "Then why did you vandalise the grave of my child?"

The man's face fell. Ohh, living creatures were very, very protective of their family, even the dead ones. He lowered his eyes. "What I did was wrong. I was looking for a way inside the mountain, but I couldn't see past the Barrier, so I tried to break it open. Turns out it's a one-way forcefield!"

She poked her head out again, her dark red eyes wide. "You know of the Barrier?"

He looked at her. How curious. "Yes ma'am, it seems the humans trapped you folks down here a long time ago."

The goat lady nodded. "It has been a very long time. Seven human children fell down here. The one whose grave you... burned... was the first human, Chara."

The man bent his head again. That's right, living creatures sometimes adopted outside their species and called them 'pets'. Wait, could human children be classified as pets? "I'm just a treasure hunter, ma'am. I meant no harm to you or yours."

The goat lady walked out from behind the column, her movements unsure at first but eventually she shuffled over to stand before him. They were both about the same height; over eight feet tall. Truly, with her little fangs, little horns, and big floppy ears, she would seem monstrous to regular humans. Then again, he was far more fearsome than she with his navy blue battle armour decorated with sharp yellow stripes.

She said in a low voice, "I am Toriel, caretaker of these ruins."

He put his helmet back on. Its red visor cut the deep blue colour of his eyes, making them look black, narrow and menacing. "I am Dynamo. Do you know of any treasures in these ruins, ma'am?"

She shook her head.

His shoulders slumped. "Ah, figures. I came here for nothing."

"I am sorry that there are no treasures here, but you sing very well. With a little practise you will also dance a bit better! Maybe you should sing and dance for the monsters outside the Ruins."

He popped right back up from his slump. "You mean, provide entertainment? And they'll give me treasures if I do?"

The goat lady looked off to one side, her paws (hooves? She had fingers) clasped before her. "I am not sure about that, but you can make a decent living as an entertainer, Mr. Dynamo."

He flicked his large hand. "Please, Miss Toriel, call me Dynamo."

A mischievous smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Then I must insist that you just call me Toriel."

He chuckled. "Touché. Okay, Toriel, where's the exit to the Ruins?"


	4. Blooky

The man with silver hair walked side by side with the goat lady through the Ruins of purple stone overgrown with green vines, chatting about their respective homes and histories.

The goat lady's dark red eyes were wide after absorbing what her companion said. "My goodness, I had no idea humans were capable of creating a new species."

The man with silver hair smacked his open palm with a fist. "It backfired. Reploids turned on their masters and destroyed the surface."

The goat lady's big floppy ears flattened against her head. "That is very discouraging. Is it not ironic that humans now live underground?"

The man guffawed. "This place, ruined or not, is now prime real estate. You could become a major world power!"

The goat lady pressed both paws against her cheeks, hiding a red face. How did she blush through all that white fur? "Oh dear, I do not think I would like to rule over humans!"

They both laughed. Good, he'd made her laugh a second time. Progress, considering she used to be a queen. Now she had a castle but no subjects, other than that weird cat-frog critter and some other incredibly puny monsters. What did a queen count for, under here? Was she worth anything? Nah, he didn't have the heart to ransom her. That and he didn't want _another_ species hating him.

"Where are the other monsters like you?"

"Oh, they moved into New Home. They follow their king, Asgore, now."

"Relative of yours?"

She frowned. "Ex-husband."

"Ah. Sore subject?"

Her frown turned into a sad face, her lower lip quivering. "Very. He is the one who killed all my..."

The man rested one hand on her shoulder. Her fur was soft and warm. No wonder the human kids had liked her. "You don't have to talk about it." He then realised that he'd touched her for the first time. He removed his hand, looking at it. Why didn't he feel awkward? Why was he... comfortable?

The goat lady looked between his face and his hand. "Was that a new experience for you?"

The man's face was unreadable. "I've never touched anyone before without the intent to kill, and vice versa."

She giggled. "I am lucky to be alive, then."

He'd made her laugh again with a _death threat?_ Monsters are weird.

The goat lady turned to glance behind her. "By the way, Dynamo, it seems that you have... a fan!"

The man put down his hand but kept looking at her. "A what?"

"He's been following us ever since you sang that lovely song."

They both stopped to turn and meet his 'fan'. It was a white bed-sheet ghost with holes cut out for eyes and a mouth. The moment the man with silver hair looked at him, the ghost sank halfway into the ground.

"oh... hello..." he said in an ethereal, faraway voice that resembled breeze blowing through an empty house. His face was just as blank as his voice.

"And you are?"

"i'm... napstablook... i heard you singing..."

"Oh, _that_ kind of fan. You like?"

"yes... i also make music... we should hang out..."

The bed-sheet ghost then drifted through the nearest wall, still half-buried in the ground.

The man jerked a thumb at the wall the ghost passed through. "Are all monsters that shy?"

The goat lady offered a solemn nod.

The man blinked. "I can't tell if you're joking."

They resumed their walk and their chat.

"We monsters desire freedom. What do robots wish for?"

The man was silent for a while, then said, "I can't speak for my people, but what I want is to be really powerful." He flexed his arm.

Her ears flattened against the sides of her head. "To kill those... 'Maverick Hunters' you hate?"

"No, not to kill them, to make them respect me as a worthy foe," he said, then flexed his other arm.

The goat lady clapped her paws with a smile. "Ah, you want to make friends!"

The man grimaced. "I can't be friends with them! We hate each other!"

The goat lady touched his shoulder. "Children often fight each other before making friends."

He flinched away from her soft warm paw. "We're not kids, pardon the pun! We're at war!"

The goat lady wore that impish grin again. "War... fighting... same thing. You're enemies now but you'll be friends later."

The man facepalmed while shaking his head. He changed the topic to the weather and one's health. The goat lady laughed and played along, her paws clasped in front her. The smaller monsters gave them a wide berth.


	5. Kindness

The man with silver hair and the goat lady stood within the first room of her home. It was cosy, he guessed. Not that he had any experience with interior decorating, but the colours were warm, the edges were soft, and even the lighting was bright and friendly. She said that she cooked her food using 'fire magic'. He explained that his species only ate energy crystals. The stairs leading to the basement would lead him out of the Ruins and into the outskirts of New Home.

The goat lady was tapping her fingertips together, looking off to one side. "Dynamo, you are welcome to stay. I know I do not have much, but... we can have a good life here."

The man stood stock still, stunned. Somewhere deep in a forgotten part of his DNA program, a unique process burst into life and began working on something mysterious. He felt a small warmth and lightness within him, but it wasn't his power core. It was something different. He could not analyse it, but he did find words after a long moment staring at her. "No-one has offered me a home before. I've never _had_ a home before. But... you know I must go."

She nodded, a sad smile dimming her lovely dark red eyes. "At least I know that you will not die. Humans are terribly strong, and you are sturdier than even they. Monsters are very... fragile." She paused, then found the courage to look into his deep blue eyes. She stepped inside his personal space, took both of his large hands into her large paws, then said, "Please promise me something."

The man went down on one knee, his hands still in hers. "Yes, my queen?"

He wanted her to laugh. She began to cry, big round tears rolling from her dark red eyes and staining her facial fur and robes. "Oh, you are being silly! Take this seriously, please!"

He let go of her paws then stood up quickly, his own eyes wide. He felt foolish, but composed himself, stepped back, stood at attention, held his arms rigid at his sides.

She wiped her wide nose then said, "Promise me you won't kill anyone."

The man was silent for a few seconds. She knew what he was. He could tear this entire mountain down in one day. But she was not afraid of him. Her heartbeat and breathing were steady despite the tears.

The man reached out, took her big soft paws in his large hands, then said, "Toriel, I swear to you that I will not kill anyone."

Then the goat lady did something insane: she hugged him. He didn't know what to do with his arms so he stood there as if turned to stone. Her grip was strong and sure, despite claiming weakness moments ago. He felt as though a warm fluffy cloud was squeezing him. She let go after a full minute, her paws lingering in his hands. "Be good, won't you?"

He still had no idea what to do, so he patted her fuzzy head between her small horns. Oh, that was so stupid! You only pat the head of children! But she didn't seem to mind. He said, "When I get my treasure and break down the Barrier, I will come back for you."

She waved. "Goodbye, Dynamo."

He grinned. "Later, Toriel."


	6. Sans

The man with silver hair stood alone in a winter forest of white snow and black trees. The heavy stone doors swung shut behind him. The goat lady's directions were simple: keep walking toward the centre of the city and he'd find the Barrier... and this 'Asgore' character. One of hundreds or even thousands of monsters he'd promised to let live.

"And here we go," the man said to himself, walking down the snowy path between the trees. To his left, his sensors detected a spy camera hidden in the bushes. He resisted the urge to shoot it. First impressions, remember? Instead, he stopped for a moment to look directly at the lens and wave. On the other side, a startled short fat lizard wearing a lab coat fell off her chair, sending a ramen bowl flying. Of course, the man did not know this had happened (his sensors weren't THAT good), so he continued walking.

The man heard a tree branch snap behind him but didn't react, just kept going. He arrived at a bridge that was blocked by the most useless fence he'd ever seen. Its wooden posts were so wide apart that they could not keep a charging bull from passing through. He was about to cross the bridge when his visual sensors lit up like Christmas at the bright light gathering into a single point behind his back. The man performed a back-flip as a white energy beam of utter doom blasted both the bridge and its useless fence to smithereens. While floating upside-down in midair, the man noticed a... short fat grinning skeleton wearing a blue hoodie and bedroom slippers.

What the hell was going on?

His visual sensors detected bright light again, so he twisted in midair as another death ray lanced past, vaporising a few trees. Then he dodged a third, and a fourth doom beam before he even landed. By that time the bridge, fence and forest on both sides of the path were on fire and in pieces.

The man did not power up his own weapons. Nope. He just shouted, "Stop that! Who are you?"

The short fat skeleton had a single glowing blue left eye. Now, the man had seen some scary things in his lifetime. He'd seen the faces melting off reploids and humans alike, but this was on a whole other level. That damn grin and that damned eye was his new creepiest memory.

"i'm sans. sans the skeleton," he (it?) said in a deep, drawling tone.

"I'm Dynamo. Dynamo the treasure hunter."

"sorry, buddy, but i never promised the old lady to spare robots."

The skeleton flung out one bony hand and the man found himself floating in midair against his will, surrounded by blue light.

"Monsters discovered antigravity?"

"call it what you like, buddy."

A row of long bones burst out of the snow beneath the man, who was then flung with extreme force down onto the bones. A huge plume of snow shot up with a _CRACK_ and _CRUNCH!_ The skeleton tilted his head, watching the snowflakes settle.

"still tickin', huh?"

The man stood up, smacking bone dust, snow and dirt off his armour. He was annoyed but undamaged. Metal beats bone.

"welp, say hello to my little friends."

Beside the short fat skeleton, a giant white goat skull materialised out of thin air. Its jawbone spread open, gathering energy just like a buster cannon! So that was the skeleton's weapon! How did it work? The man still didn't believe in magic. There was a logical scientific explanation for everything in the universe. Even so, his sensor array drew a blank. Only his visual sensors could detect it, and they simply reported that the energy was bright white.

The man with silver hair turned tail and ran away, somersaulting over the ruined bridge. The short fat skeleton did a double-take, his eye-sockets somehow growing wider.

"hey, you can't run from this battle!"

That blue light gripped the man again, holding him rigid. The man let out a yell and flexed his arms outward. "Antigravity factor FIVE!"

The man's power core began to shine out from the red gem on his chest. The skeleton faltered, digging his bedroom slippers into the snow, his bony hand shaking. His said in a strained voice, "hey bud, that's not fair."

"Antigravity factor TEN!" The man's power core beamed brilliant ruby light from his chest. "Let... me... GO!"

The skeleton relented with a pained grunt, closing his glowing left eye, dropping his bony hand. The man shot upward at high speed, well over the highest treetops. He then fell slowly back into the snow with the agile grace of a falcon. By that time the skeleton had caught his breath, reopening his glowing blue arcane eye of doom.

"welp, guess you have to meet the whole family."

"I am the best in the world at running away!" the man yelled over his shoulder, dashing, skidding, leaping and rolling as _more_ of those goat skulls appeared in front, above and behind him, spitting intense white fiery death but never finding their mark. The snow on the ground began to melt from the heat, and more trees burst into flames. A well-constructed sentry station exploded nearby. The man kept on sprinting like a champ, putting his leg boosters into overdrive to avoid disintegration.

He arrived at a fork in the path but just barrelled onward as more of the forest went up in flames around and behind him.

"Stop shooting!" the man yelled as a tree fell into his path. He vaulted over it, dazzling white destruction raining from the skull-covered sky. A second, poorly-constructed sentry station exploded nearby.

He could hear the short fat skeleton breathing heavily somewhere behind, though he could not hear any footsteps following. Wait, why did it need to breathe? "stop dodging, then i won't have to shoot anymore!"

They came upon a third sentry station adorned with a cute wooden carving of a dog face. The white beams of doom spared _this_ rundown shack, for some reason. The man heard a dog barking, but didn't stop. Two short swords imbued with blue light whizzed into his head, bouncing off his helmet with a _clink_ and a _ping!_

The barks turned into an excited voice. "I SAW SOMETHING MOVE!"

"you sure did doggo, now sic 'em!"

"IT IS AN INTRUDER!" the dog barked with infinite joy.

"Leave me alone!" the man shouted back. Now there was an anthropomorphic dog wearing a pink muscle shirt and leopard-print stretch pants chasing him, too! With swords! Who let the dog have swords? It isn't safe!

The next area was covered in shiny blue ice, and the man had too much forward momentum, so he slipped and fell. So did the dog, who yelped and barked as he tumbled ears over tail across the ice. The death rays had stopped firing. On the other side of the ice patch, the man scrambled to his feet but he was too late! The dog bit his arm and latched on!

"Hey!"

The man shook his arm but the dog refused to let go, swinging back and forth along with the arm. The man looked up. The short fat skeleton was gone! He looked back down at the angry dog. He shrugged. "Fine then, if you won't get off then you're coming with me!"

The man walked forward, the dog hanging off his arm by the teeth. The dog growled. He was doing a good job! He was a good boy! Maybe he would be pet?


	7. Papyrus

The man with silver hair walked along the cliff's snowy path with a dog hanging off his arm. The dog was happier about this than the man, wagging his tail as he snarled. They came across two skeletons: one short and fat, one tall and thin. The latter wore white battle armour, red gloves, red boots and a red scarf that flapped in the wind. He (it? Do skeletons have gender?) was standing with arms akimbo and lecturing the short one.

 **"SANS! WHY ARE YOU SO SWEATY? DID YOU SET THE FOREST ON FIRE AGAIN?"** he demanded in the loudest, shrillest voice the man had ever heard.

"bro, you gotta get outta here, there's a killer robot nearby," the short skeleton wheezed, sweat rolling off his skull in waves. How do skeletons sweat?

 **"METTATON? HERE IN SNOWDIN? WOWIE, I WANT TO GET HIS AUTOGRAPH!"**

"no i mean that robot over there."

They both turned to look at the man with silver hair and his canine tagalong. The skeletons continued looking back and forth, faster and faster each time until they both began to spin on the spot. When they stopped, the tall skeleton stood up straight and placed a hand on his chest, waist cocked to one side.

 **"GREETINGS, INTERLOPER! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"**

"Greetings, stranger. I am the great Dynamo."

The tall skeleton scowled, stomping one boot in the snow. **"SANS! THIS ROBOT IS MAKING FUN OF ME!"**

"that's a shame, bro. I guess you could say you're the ro-BUTT of the joke!"

The tall skeleton held his skull with both hands, his eyes rolling. **"SAAAAAAANS!"**

"you're laughing."

 **"YES! AND I HATE YOU FOR IT!"**

The man walked over to the skeletons. The dog swung from his arm like a pendulum. "Could either of you... distinguished gentlemen, remove this dog from my arm?"

The short skeleton shrugged and winked his left eye-socket. How do skeletons wink? "he just wants to be pet."

 **"SANS! DO NOT ENCOURAGE THE INTERLOPER TO PET A ROYAL GUARD!"**

It was too late. The man moved his free hand to pet the dog, who immediately barked and let go, shouting, "WHAT! I'VE BEEN PET! PAT? POT?"

The three others stood still, staring at the dog. The dog whined a little, looking around. "I can only see moving things... where did everyone go?"

The short, fat skeleton reached over to pet the dog, who began barking again. "WHERE'S THAT COMING FROM? PET? PAT? POT?"

The tall skeleton suppressed a chuckle, also petting the dog, who yelled, "THERE'S NO END TO IT!" before scampering away, kicking up snow, still barking about pots and pats.

 **"HEY, THAT WAS FUN! WE SHOULD PET ROYAL GUARDS MORE OFTEN!"**

"doggo loves it."

The man shook his head. Monsters are weird. "Can either of you gentlemen direct me to the Barrier?"

"you wanna leave, huh?"

The man nodded, pointing with both hands. "As quickly as possible. I'm not sure I even want treasure anymore."

The tall skeleton shoved the short one aside, hand on chest and hip, waist cocked to one side, and said, **"AS AN ASPIRING ROYAL GUARD, I WOULD BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU A TOUR! HOWEVER, AS YOU ARE AN INTERLOPER, I MUST FIRST ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE YOU!"**

The man pleaded with the short fat skeleton, "Please ask him not to." Yes, this was what he had been reduced to: begging the undead for favours.

The short skeleton closed both eyes. "that's not how it works, buddy. paps is, uh, really dedicated to his job."

 **"PRECISELY!"** the tall thin skeleton said with a flourish of one hand, his other hand on his hip bone. **"I WILL BE THE BEST ROYAL GUARDSMAN ONE DAY, AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE ME! I WILL PROVE MY WORTH BY CAPTURING YOU! BUT FIRST, I SHALL WEAR YOU DOWN WITH PUZZLES AND JAPES!"**

"What are japes?"

 **"WHY, PRACTICAL JOKES! JESTS! MOCKERIES! SANS, WAKE UP!"**

The short skeleton snorted, slowly opening his eye-sockets. "yeah, i help him with them."

 **"HARDLY! YOU SPEND ALL DAY SLEEPING!"**

"i'm just bone tired."

 **"SANS, PLEASE! I'M TRYING TO INTIMIDATE THE INTERLOPER!"**

The man held up both hands. "I like playing games but not if they end with me in jail."

"sorry buddy, there's no stopping him now."

 **"PREPARE TO BE BAFFLED, BEWILDERED, AND BAMBOOZLED! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"**

With that amazingly annoying laugh, the tall thin skeleton turned and ran off, his red scarf flapping. The man and short fat skeleton looked at each other.

"my brother is really cool. i'd appreciate it if you play along."

The man wagged a finger. "No more goat skull murder beams, okay?"

"oh don't worry, they won't get your goat."

The man curled one hand into a fist, his eyes narrowed and his mouth snarled, baring teeth. "If I didn't promise that goat lady, you'd be dead where you stand! Well, deader. In pieces, at least."

The short skeleton winked his right eye. "hey, you stole my line." Then he shrugged. "guess the old lady got to you, too. welp, i'm going to grillby's."

The short skeleton vanished before the man's eyes. He blinked, frowning at the empty spot in the snow. He conducted a scan of the area but the skeleton was not using stealth, or a secret tunnel. He was just... gone.

"That comedian..." the man grumbled before trudging away through the snow, further along the cliff.


	8. Rebellious teens

The man with silver hair reunited with the tall thin skeleton further along the cliffside.

 **"WHERE DID SANS GO?"**

"Grillby's."

The tall skeleton scowled, stomping the snow with one boot. **"THAT LAYABOUT! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WITH THE ORB PUZZLE!"**

The man considered the field of snow before him. Part of it was partitioned into a large square. There was enough room to walk around it. The tall skeleton was, indeed, holding an orb. The man shrugged, his hands spread. "I'm sure you can _puzzle_ me."

The tall skeleton held his skull with both hands, his eyes rolling. **"SAAAAAANS! NOW YOU HAVE THE INTERLOPER MAKING BAD PUNS!"**

"So, how does this puzzle work?"

 **"NYEH HEH HEH! THIS IS A FIENDISH INVISIBLE ELECTRIC MAZE! IF YOU WALK THE WRONG WAY, THIS ORB WILL GIVE A NASTY ELECTRIC SHOCK!"**

"So if I were to just walk forward like this..."

The man took three steps forward into the fiendish invisible electric maze. The orb flared with electrical current, zapping the tall skeleton who convulsed so hard that he turned upside down, smoke rising from his bones.

 **"NYEH? NO! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE ORB, NOT ME!"**

The tall skeleton got up then raced through the fiendish invisible electric maze in a simple up and down pattern. He pushed the man backward, placing the orb on top of his helmet. Then he ran back the same way he'd come.

 **"NYEH HEH HEH! SOLVE THIS PUZZLE IF YOU DARE!"**

With the orb wobbling on his head, the man looked at the footprints winding through the fiendish invisible electric maze. "Truly, a puzzle for the ages," he said, then walked over the footprints to emerge on the other side, holding his arms out for balance.

 **"WOWIE, YOU DID IT! BUT I WARN YOU, THIS IS MERELY THE FIRST TRIAL! THERE ARE MANY MORE! FOR I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, PUZZLE MASTER! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"**

The tall skeleton turned and sprinted away along the cliff, his red scarf flapping. The man flicked the orb off his helmet before following him.

888

The man with silver hair found a short line of monsters heading his way. Leading them was a brown, pants-less, giant anthropomorphic wolf who had more muscles than a gym. The wolf was wearing a fireman's hat.

"Good day," the man said, touching the rim of his helmet.

"Hmph," the wolf snorted, walking past him without a second glance. He was followed by two much smaller blue and white birds, one of whom wore stylish shades. The un-cool shade-less one was trying to tell a pun to the cool shade-enhanced one.

"It sure is ICE out today!"

"Come on, Snowy, you told me that one yesterday."

"I don't SNOW where Ice Wolf is taking us!"

"Didn't you see the smoke? Us teenage rebels gotta help out too!"

"Uh... uh... why was the snowman laughing when he rolled down the hill?"

"I don't know."

"He was having a BALL!"

The cool shade-enhanced bird chuckled.

Trailing behind the birds were three tiny humanoid monsters with disproportionately huge round heads. Each of them wore a large icicle as a hat: the first was blue, the second was green, and the third was red. They seemed to be bickering amongst themselves about fashion. They jumped up and down when they saw the man.

"You there, intruder! Which one of our hats is the best?" the red one demanded.

"Say it's mine!" the green one said.

"Mine is obviously superior!" the blue one said.

"My favourite colour is blue," the man said.

"HAH! MY HAT _IS_ THE BEST!" the blue one shrieked, performing a somersault. The red and green ones bowed their heads - and hats - in shame.

When the line passed him, the man saw a tall thin blue anthropomorphic rabbit wearing red pants and a yellow shirt. He was leaning against an ice-cream cart with a morose expression, but brightened up as soon as he spotted the man.

"OH! A CUSTOMER! Hello, would you like some Nice Cream? It's the frozen treat that warms your heart! Now just fifteen gold!"

The man shook his head. "I don't eat, plus I'm broke."

The blue rabbit's ears, mouth and eyes drooped. "Oh."

The man kept walking. He resisted the urge to run. Must not frighten the locals. He could see the tall skeleton waiting for him down the southern path.


	9. Lesser Dog

The man with silver hair picked up the piece of paper that read "Monster Kidz Word Search" in four different colours.

 **"NYEH HEH HEH! THAT JUNIOR JUMBLE IS SURE TO STUMP YOU!"**

The man lowered the paper. "I think crosswords are much more difficult."

 **"NYEH? ARE YOU AND SANS PRANKING ME? THAT'S THE SAME THING HE SAID!"**

"That's because it's true."

 **"NYEH! WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU? YOU ARE AN INTERLOPER WHILE I AM DESTINED TO BE LEADER OF THE ROYAL GUARDS!"**

"I can't argue with that logic," the man said, then walked over to hand the tall skeleton the paper. "I'm done."

 **"NYEH? IMPOSSIBLE! SANS MUST HAVE WRITTEN THE ANSWERS FOR YOU!"**

"There was a typo right on top there that I fixed."

 **"N-NYEH? SANS! HOW COULD YOU SPELL A WORD WRONG IN JUNIOR JUMBLE? HONESTLY!"**

"Your brother should take his job more seriously."

 **"I WISH HE WAS HERE TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU!"**

"No use splitting hairs about it."

 **"YES, WELL... WAIT! WAS THAT ANOTHER PUN? SAAAAAAAAANS!"** the tall skeleton yelled while running away, his red scarf flapping. The way he screamed, it was as though the short skeleton was the god of humour and the tall skeleton was calling his name in vain.

888

The man with silver hair passed a plate of frozen spaghetti and an unplugged microwave. The meal was surely not meant for him. A white dog clad in gray knight's gear approached him. It wasn't anthropomorphic like the others, but rather looked like a normal dog that had learned how to walk on two legs, wear metal armour, and wield a stone sword and metal shield.

"You're a Royal Guard, aren't you?"

The white dog barked at him and wagged its tail, dropping into a defensive stance with the shield and sword both pointed at the man.

"Alright, then you must want to be pet like the last one."

When the man drew near, the dog knight thrust the stone sword upward. It shattered on impact with the man's chest.

"That was a strong thrust. Good dog," the man said, reaching down to pet the dog knight. Then the man stepped back, because the dog's neck had just grow a foot longer, nuzzling and sniffing his large hand. Even when he walked back a few feet the dog's head followed his hand, pushing against his fingers with a small wet nose. Its tail wagged with fury.

"Huh."

The man walked away. The dog's neck continued to stretch, pushing its head into the man's hand even when he was on the other side of the cliff.

"I think you have a problem," he said, but the dog continued to yap and slobber all over his hand. "Hmm, how to solve this?"

He checked his archives. Then he walked over to a tree and snapped a small branch off.

"See the stick, boy?"

The dog's head performed a ninety-degree turn, eyeing the stick with singular intensity.

"FETCH!"

The man hurled the stick. The dog's head rocketed into the sky after the stick, stretching without limit. The man ran for it.


	10. Dogi

The man with silver hair passed a sign that read, "Warning: Dog Marriage". He did not dare think much of it. The cliff ended there, but the marked path continued a dozen metres away on the other cliff.

"Well," he said, then leaped into the air, crossing the chasm with no effort. He floated calmly onto the snow on the other side. Two white anthropomorphic dogs wearing black hooded robes and holding huge metal axes marched up to him in formation. They finished each other's sentences:

"What's that smell?"

"Where's that smell?"

"If you're a smell..."

"Identify yoursmellf!"

The man facepalmed. He now knew what had sparked off the human-monster war: bad puns. Mystery solved. He'd have to write a book about it. The dog executioners made a big show of sniffing the area all around the man before attacking him. Their metal axes bounced off his shoulders with a _BING!_ and a _BANG!_

"More Royal Guards, hmm? I hope your necks don't stretch, too."

While they continued whaling on him with their axes, he pet them both at the same time.

"We... we are being pet!" they said together. They looked at each other, then at their axes which, at this point, were chipped and dented.

"We did not eliminate," the husband dog said.

"Yet we are being pet," the wife dog said.

"Furthermore, it is the intruder who pet us."

"Does that mean we are good or bad dogs?"

"Petting is an absolute good, therefore we are good dogs."

"I like being a good dog!"

The married dogs dropped their axes to better enjoy being pet. They made little noises while wagging their tails. The man stopped after a while, causing them to whine. Nonetheless, they continued wagged their tails.

"A new world has opened for us," the husband dog said.

"An intruder who pets dogs. Amazing!" the wife dog said.

They picked up their axes, held paws then walked away. The man shook his head then continued along the path.

888

The man with silver hair contemplated the switch puzzle before him. It wasn't so much a puzzle as it was a needlessly complex gate key. The gate in question was a wall of metal spikes. He could jump them, but the tall skeleton was behind them, watching him with eager anticipation... so the man walked over all the switches. The spikes receded. The tall skeleton applauded.

 **"DID YOU LIKE MY SPAGHETTI? IS THERE ANY LEFT FOR ME?"**

"I don't eat, so all of it is left for you."

 **"WOWIE, I'LL SAVE IT FOR LATER!"**

The tall skeleton sprinted off to the next puzzle, which was a more complex switch pattern. The man calculated the correct path in an instant. The spikes receded.

 **"YOU GOT IT IN ONE GO! YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT PUZZLES!"**

The man smiled, tapping one finger against his helmet. "I'm the coolest."

 **"WE HAVE THAT IN COMMON! I AM ALSO A COOL DUDE!"** he said with a thumbs-up, then scampered away, his red scarf flapping.

888

Up next was a tile puzzle. The tall skeleton launched into a long explanation about yellow, purple and green tiles. There were probably other colours, too, but the man didn't listen that long.

"Excuse me Papyrus, the tiles are gray and white."

 **"OH! I FORGOT TO TURN THE COMPUTER ON!"** The tall skeleton fiddled with a rectangular metal box that had a grid of unmarked buttons. He gave up after a few seconds. **"IT SEEMS THAT THE POWER IS OFF!"**

"The forest fire must have cut a power line. Would you like me to fix it?"

 **"NO, NO, I TRUST ICE WOLF AND THOSE REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS TO DO THEIR JOBS. TRY THE NEXT PUZZLE INSTEAD!"**

The tall skeleton ran off, his red scarf flapping.

888

The man with silver hair walked past the stretchy dog knight he'd pet earlier. There were a dozen snow-dogs with very long necks built around his sentry station. The dog knight was patting snow onto another one, ignoring the man. Relieved, the man saluted an anthropomorphic faun slouching near the sentry station.

"Hello, sir."

"You're the intruder who burned the forest, huh?"

They turned to look at the smoke rising in the distance below the cliffs.

"Sans burned it."

"Pfff, that lazy guy couldn't burn a hotdog. Don't fight in town, okay?"

"I'll try not to."

The next puzzle increased the complexity of the switches by surrounding them with slippery ice. The man was in no hurry so he glided over the ice in an X pattern, performing little pirouettes with his hands held in an arch over his head as he skated.

"Just watch me Toriel, my dancing will get me so much treasure!"

The walkway extended, so he skated through the thicket beyond, emerging on the other side with a snow-dog on his head. He shook it off like a lion shaking its mane in winter.


	11. Greater Dog

A small doghouse decorated the path. The dog in question was hiding under the snow, guarding a long rope bridge.

"Asgore really likes dogs," the man said, kneeling before the snow puff. The white dog burst out the snow, gave a cute bark. Then it kept rising. A huge suit of metal armour, even taller than the man, rose out of the snow like a mountain shrugging off ice. The man stepped back, taking in the massive dog-themed spear and gauntlets. A tiny white muzzle and ears poked out of the suit's neck. Somehow, a small white tail was wagging out of the rear. Its body must be stretchy like the small dog knight earlier!

"Huh. You remind me of that galoot, High Max."

"Yap yap!" It still had that same cute bark.

"You seem to be more intelligent, though."

The man put both hands on his knees and patted them. The big dog knight flopped forward, parting the snow in tidal waves, slobbering all over the man's face.

"Yuck. Stop that."

He pet the big dog knight, which had dropped its dog-spear, and curled up its dog-hands and legs against its chest. Its tail wagged so fast it acted like a fan, blowing snow in all directions.

"You want to play, then? Let's play."

The man snapped a branch off a tree and threw it into the thicket. The big dog knight barked and bounded off into the darkness with a huge thumping lope.

"No. Stop. I'm in enough trouble already! Put those down!"

The big dog knight returned carrying the entire thicket. It was a stack of trees so high that they shook the earth when he dumped all of them at the man's feet with a rumbling _CRASH_.

The big dog knight then flopped onto the man's lap, panting hard, its tail wagging slower.

"Good, you're tuckered out," the man said, petting the dog until it closed its eyes. When its breathing became deep and regular, the man leaned back his head to view the stars. They were bright, and there were many dotting the 'sky'. He knew they weren't real, but his eyes could not detect their energy signature, just like he couldn't comprehend that small warmth and lightness still resting within him. That feeling had never left him ever since it was born in the Ruins.

"I suppose there are some things you can't analyse," he said, his hand stroking the thick white fur. He stayed like that, kneeling in the snow with a giant fluffy dog knight asleep on his lap, for a long time. Watching the stars.

When he woke up, the big dog knight was gone. The man brushed snow off his armour then headed towards the rope bridge.

888

The man with silver hair was halfway across the bridge when the tall skeleton with a red scarf spotted him. Behind him lay a cosy little town. Bingo! Someone there must know about treasure!

 **"THIS IS THE FINAL CHALLENGE! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!"**

The gauntlet of deadly terror consisted of six devilish traps: a spiked ball and chain, a harpoon, a flamethrower, another harpoon, a gunpowder cannon, and a white dog with a rope tied around its midsection. The dog was proud of its duty, swaying back and forth in the wind. All of these traps were aimed at the bridge where the man stood.

"You promise this is your last puzzle?"

 **"YES! IF YOU GET PAST THIS, THEN YOU WILL HAVE THE RARE HONOUR OF FACING ME IN COMBAT!"**

"hey bro what's up?"

The short fat skeleton appeared behind the tall thin skeleton. The latter leapt five feet into the air, cross-eyed and screaming. **"NYEEEEH! SANS! DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT! YOU ALMOST MADE ME..."**

There was a very audible _CLICK_.

 **"...SET THE TRAP OFF."**

The spiked ball and chain plunged through the bridge, breaking it off the cliff. The man was already sailing through the air. Both harpoons fired. A crescent flash of pink light cut them in twain. With an echoing _BOOM_ a cannonball whistled through the air, but exploded on impact with a plasma bolt. Bright orange flames licked across the dark sky. The man spun his plasma blade so quickly that it blew away the flames. The dog slipped out of its tactical support rope and dove at him. He caught it with his face, coming in for a smooth landing on the cliff's edge in front of the skeletons.

"I believe this is yours," the man said, handing the tall thin skeleton the dog. It yapped, struggled free, then loped away towards town. It was a good guard dog! This meant petting and treats!

Meanwhile, the tall skeleton's jaw was on the ground. He picked it back up, reattached it, then shouted, **"I... I AM SO SORRY!"**

The man powered down his pink plasma blade and buster. With his normal hand, he gave a thumbs-up, flashing perfect white teeth. "That was a good trap."

The short skeleton winked. "yeah bro, that trap was really great."

 **"BUT I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!"**

The man shook his head and waved a hand. "As a treasure hunter, I enjoy the challenge."

The tall skeleton squinted at him. **"THEN... THIS WAS ANOTHER DECISIVE VICTORY FOR PAPYRUS! NYEH! HEH... HEH?"**

He jogged to town, red scarf flapping.

The man looked at the short skeleton who lingered behind, hands in pockets. "Nothing funny to say?"

"that puzzle went to the dogs."

The man groaned. "I was being rhetorical."

"sorry buddy, i don't understand words i can't spell."

"Does this town have any treasure?"

"grillby's is a national treasure."

The man smacked his palm with a fist. "Wonderful. Let's go!"


	12. Snowdin

The man with silver hair walked through the snug winter town. The sign covered in Christmas lights read, 'WELCOME TO SNOWDIN'. Its sturdy little buildings were wooden, their windows glowing with warm yellow light, their roofs heavy with snow. There was a Christmas tree surrounded by presents in the middle of town. Why did monsters celebrate a human festival? Of greater concern was that the Snowdin residents had stopped whatever they were doing to stare at him as he passed by. They were all shapes and sizes, most of them had thick fur.

"Why are they looking at me like that?"

"you creep them out, buddy."

The man removed his helmet, tucking it under his arm. "Maybe this will help."

He tossed back his head, shaking his hair loose. When he lowered his perfect square chin, long tresses fell in silver rivers over his broad shoulders. His deep blue eyes returned their stares. The female monsters all gasped, most of them blushed, some of them swooned.

The short skeleton snickered at the roiling emotions in the crowd. "ladies man, huh?"

"They look like they haven't seen anyone new in ages."

"they haven't."

The man laughed, spreading his hands. "It's wonderful to be appreciated!"

"so what do you wanna do?"

"Find treasure!"

The short skeleton jerked a bony thumb at a large public building with a misspelt sign. "head to the LIBRARBY, then. better hurry before they're booked."

The man shook his head but said, "Thank you, Sans."

"no problem, mo. can i call you mo?"

"So long as you don't call me 'Dyna'."

"speaking of which, i'm DYNA cold out here, so i'm going to grillby's."

"You just came from there!"

The short skeleton ignored him and slouched down the road, hands in pockets.

888

The LIBRARBY was much smaller than he thought. A green lizard wearing glasses greeted him at the reception desk, apologising for the sign.

The man smiled and requested mainframe access.

The lizard blinked. "We uh, we just have books."

"Oh."

The man turned his head to conduct a scan of the overflowing bookshelves. They had everything from dusty historical tomes, to colourful children's books, to old newspapers. He nodded, then said to the receptionist, "I'm done reading. Goodnight."

"But you haven't opened..."

Outside the LIBRARBY, a small armless yellow dinosaur child wearing a striped yellow and brown jersey waddled up to the man. The child had bruises around both eyes, which were nonetheless wide and eager. "Yo! You look just like a Royal Guard!"

"I do not! Their armour's gray, mine's a much more handsome navy blue and yellow!"

"Dude, if Undyne hears you say that, she'll beat you up!"

"I just read all about her. She's your favourite, huh?"

The monster kid hopped up and down. "Yeah! She beats up bad guys!"

The man chuckled. "I'll watch my step. Is there anywhere I can sleep in town?"

"Yo, you just passed Snowed Inn!"

"...Sans must have named it. Goodnight, kid."

"Bye, mister!"

The monster kid waddled away. The man stretched his arms and yawned while retracing his steps. Even reploids need sleep.

888

The innkeeper was a small thin pink anthropomorphic bunny lady who asked for 80 gold. Ugh, money. So primitive. But, he didn't want to sleep in the snow again.

He leaned against the counter, towering over her as he asked, "There any work around here?"

In his blue shadow, the bunny lady had a bright red blush working its way from her pink cheeks to the tips of her long pink ears. She hid her mouth with slim paws and said, "Sure, stranger, we always need timber."

The man donned his helmet. "Be back soon," he said with a wink.

The pink bunny lady waited until he left before collapsing on her chair, fanning herself.

A moment later, her sister - a round purple bunny with more curves than a rollercoaster - poked her long ears through the doorway. "The stranger wants a room?"

"Yeah," her pink sister said in a dreamy faraway voice.

"And you charged him money for it?" she asked in an incredulous tone.

The innkeeper's eyes popped wide open. "I'm so dumb!"

The sisters had a good laugh at that.

The man returned five minutes later with a neat stack of logs piled ten layers high and three layers deep, all held in his arms. He dropped them outside the inn with a resounding _CRASH!_ The sisters hopped outside.

"What a man," the round purple bunny said, touching his arm. It was so cold and hard! Did this mean he had no heart?

The thin pink bunny touched his leg. It was also cold and hard! Did this mean he had no soul? "That's enough timber to rent a room for a month," she said.

"A whole month!" the purple one said, hanging onto his elbow, staring up at him with wide black eyes.

The man dusted dirt, twigs and leaves off his hands, then placed them on his hips. He looked down at the bunnies, the tips of whose ears barely reached his chest. "Sorry ladies, I'm only here for one night."

"Such a shame," the purple one said with a pout, pulling his right hand.

"Come INN," the pink one said with a giggle, pulling his left hand.

The man put his large hands around their small pink and purple shoulders, walking them indoors, out of the cold.


	13. Grillby's

The man with silver hair opened his eyes to starlight peeking through the window. Where was the sun? Oh right, he was underground. His auto-repair function reported all normal, but he was low on energy reserves. His spectacular performance yesterday had drained him more than he thought.

When he asked about food, the sisters directed him to Grillby's.

He picked up his helmet from the bedside table, but didn't put it on. "That place sure is popular. Goodbye, ladies."

"Bye Dynamo!" they said, waving him out the door.

After he left, the inn's three other tenants came to complain about the noise. The bunnies flung pillows at them.

Grillby's was the local diner. It had a few rough wooden tables, chairs, and a busted jukebox in the corner. A humanoid fire elemental was cleaning glasses behind the bar. He (it?) wore spectacles, a long-sleeved bartender jacket, and wiped glasses with a white cloth. None of his these objects were on fire or melting under his touch. Maybe this was the 'fire magic' the goat lady had spoken of? The canine Royal Guards he'd encountered yesterday were all here, playing poker.

The short fat skeleton was at the bar, drinking a bottle of ketchup. Where did it go? The man scanned the monster, but - like everything made of 'magic' - his body could not be analysed.

The man sat beside the short skeleton. "I read your people's history."

"it sucks, huh?"

"Yes. No mention of artefacts, though."

"eh, keep looking, mo, something'll turn up."

The man asked the fire elemental for energy crystals. The burning figure ducked beneath the bar then popped back up with a metal capsule about the size of a football. The man touched it, causing the capsule to expand and expose its bright glowing core.

He had a broad smile on his face when he asked, "Where did you find one of these?"

The barkeep said nothing, so the short skeleton said, "all sorts of junk falls down here. books, children, killer robots..."

"Thank you, sir," the man said to the fire elemental, then touched the capsule again. It dematerialised, its golden energy running up his arm and directly into his power core. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Recharged. As payment, good sir, I'd like to sing for your patrons."

The short skeleton did a double-take. "you sing?"

"I do now," the man said, leaving his chair to stand beside the jukebox. He placed his hands on it, and blue energy ran from his fingertips into its circuits. The speaker stuttered, wheezed, then began playing 12-bar blues with electric guitar, drums and keyboard to accompany him:

"I've got the key to the highway, billed out and bound to go," he sang. "I'm gonna leave here running; walking is most too slow."

He capered across the floor, mimicking running away. By now all of the dogs and other monster patrons had turned their heads to the man. Even the short skeleton was listening. The fire elemental, ever professional, continued cleaning glasses.

"I'm going back to the Barrier, woman, where I'm better known. You know you haven't done nothing, drove a good man away from home."

He hopped onto the bar, his huge boots dancing between glasses and plates without upsetting a single one. Monsters who heard his golden voice drifted in from the snowy streets.

"When the stars peek over the treetops, I'll be on my way. I'm gonna roam this old highway until the break of day."

He hopped off the bar, landing like a feather on the table where the small dog knight was playing poker against itself (and losing). He kicked the loose cards into the air, making it rain on the crowd, which jumped and grabbed for them as if they were money. The small dog knight was nonplussed.

Just then, the two bunny sisters squeezed into the diner. He dedicated the last verse to them, holding out both hands to them and singing, "Oh give me one, one more kiss mama, just before I go, 'cause when I leave this town, you know I, I won't be back no more!"

The bunny sisters screamed. Some monsters in the crowd threw socks at him. He repeated the first and second verses then ended with a bow to thunderous applause and banging tabletops. When the jukebox died, the crowd rushed the bar, throwing gold at the fire elemental, hollering for drinks and food.

The short skeleton grinned at the man, who was helping the small dog knight pick up his playing cards. "grillby says you can entertain his customers anytime."

After returning the last card, the man smiled at the creepy skeleton, donned his helmet, then walked out the door into the snow.


	14. Blue attack

The man with silver hair walked through a dense fog. The tall skeleton was guarding the road out of Snowdin.

"Hello, Papyrus."

 **"WOWIE, YOU CAN SEE ME? I WAS HOPING FOR A MORE DRAMATIC REVEAL!"**

The man hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "I can go back if you'd like to try again."

 **"YOU'RE SO CONSIDERATE! AND... GOOD AT SOLVING PUZZLES! I REALLY FEEL LIKE WE COULD BE FR-"** The tall skeleton cut the word short then held his skull with both hands. **"NO! YOU ARE AN INTERLOPER! I HAVE TO CAPTURE YOU!"**

"I won't fight you."

 **"WELL! YOU TRULY ARE SELFLESS! I PROMISE TO MAKE YOUR IMPRISONMENT AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE!"**

The man shook his head. The tall skeleton threw bones at him. White bones, glowing light blue bones, big bones, small bones. They all bounced off. The man walked forward. The tall skeleton did a double-take.

 **"HEY, THERE'S NO RUNNING FROM THIS BATTLE! I'LL USE MY BLUE ATTACK!"**

The tall skeleton held out one bony hand. The man felt his legs get heavy. He was surrounded by that blue aura again.

 **"YOU'RE BLUE NOW! THAT'S MY ATTACK!"**

The man kept walking forward, but more slowly. The bones kept bouncing off his armour. He reached out a hand and patted the tall skeleton on the shoulder. "You tried your best. I'm sure you'll be a great Royal Guard one day."

 **"N... NYEH? YOU'RE FLEEING?"**

"Looks like it."

 **"NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! I BUILT A JAIL AND EVEN COOKED SPAGHETTI FOR YOU!"**

The man chuckled as he slogged onward. "I'm flattered you think so much of me. Later!"

 **"NYEH! I'LL JUST FOLLOW YOU!"**

"Do whatever you like."

The man plodded past waterfalls. The snow and fog were gone, now, replaced by wet rock and the smell of fish. The road and river beside it entered a large tunnel. Though he was sweating, the tall skeleton kept casting his blue attack to slow the man down.

 **"HUFF... PUFF... FEEL FREE TO SURRENDER AT ANY TIME!"**

The man snickered. He saw the short skeleton inside a sentry station along the tunnel road. The short skeleton watched the unlikely pair slowly drag themselves by. The man shone with blue light, the tall skeleton puffed and perspired.

 **"SANS! HELP ME CAPTURE THE INTERLOPER!"**

The short skeleton shrugged. "wow, mo, you're looking blue."

"You could say that I'm cryin' 'cause I'm cyan."

 **"OH NO! NOT THIS AGAIN!"**

The short skeleton winked. "hey, mo, AZURE friend, i'm really worried about you."

"I'm touched, but I can't express my true feelings un-TEAL later!"

The tall skeleton held his skull with both hands, his eyes rolling. **"SAAAAAAAANS!"** he screamed, the sound echoing off the tunnel walls. The blue attack faded away, setting the man free!

"Later!" the man said, then sprinted off.

The tall skeleton scowled, stamping one boot. **"SANS! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"**

"i'm broken up about it."

 **"I'M GOING TO WARN UNDYNE!"**

"pretty sure she heard you yelling just now."

 **"SHE'S GOING TO BE SO MAD!"** the tall skeleton wailed as he, too, ran off, his red scarf flapping.


	15. Integrity

The man with silver hair jogged through a small stream, the water splashing and slapping against his legs. He hated water. It reminded him of the sixth Maverick war when the Hunters stole all his Nightmare Souls. Stupid Hunters! He was jogging through a patch of tall grass when his visual sensor yelped. He ducked to avoid a bright blue energy spear piercing the air where his head had been.

"I SEE YOU!" an armoured knight with a red ponytail shouted from the other side of the river.

"Well yeah, I'm taller than the grass."

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" the knight roared.

"Are you gonna chase me too? Your primitive monster weapons can't hurt me!"

"NGAAAAAAH!" the knight yelled, then let fly another energy spear. The man sidestepped it.

"Okay, tell you what: break your spear against my armour. Will that convince you?"

"YOUR CORPSE WILL BE VERY CONVINCING!" the knight screamed, hurling a spear. The man stood still and spread his arms.

The bright blue spear pierced his chassis and stuck out his back with a sickening _SCREECH_ of metal. The spear dissipated. The man looked down at the hole in his chest. Oh. So that was why only his _visual_ sensor noticed it.

"Water magic," he uttered, then began to explode. "Oh, not again!"

The knight watched with fascination as her adversary exploded in a bright, colourful manner, beams of light lancing outward and dancing on the waters. When the fireball dissipated, she let out a yell.

"YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!? I JUST WATCHED YOU BLOW UP!"

The man was hunched over, one hand covering the hole in his chest. "Madam, after surviving _two_ Maverick Wars and exploding a couple dozen times, I don't think I can die. But, you're way too strong. Later!"

His teleportation system would not work under miles and miles of rock. So, the man ran away. However, the knight held out one metal-clad hand. In her palm, green magic churned like sea foam. The man was caught in a green aura, rooted to the spot.

"Huh. More water magic. At least I'll die on my feet," the man said, then deliberately shut down his systems to enter sleep mode.

888

The two skeletons and armoured knight stood around the upright body of the man with silver hair. Still trapped in the green aura, he was unconscious, but his power core still glowed. The hole in his chest was very slowly closing on its own, the exposed sparking circuits reconnecting and covering themselves with navy blue metal.

"This robot is self-repairing, just like in the human history books! I have to destroy it now!" the knight said, an energy spear already in hand.

The short skeleton was shaking his skull. "he just stood there and took it?"

"Said my old weapon can't hurt him. Fuhuhu!" the knight laughed.

The tall skeleton was tapping his fingertips together, his face downcast. **"UNDYNE, AT FIRST I THOUGHT THIS ROBOT WAS A THREAT, BUT..."**

"Oh COME ON, Papyrus! Do you see this?" She held up a golden cylinder. A pink plasma blade burst out of one end, its light casting her helmet in a sinister shadow. "This energy sword was on his body! It's designed for KILLING people, not cutting hedges into the shape of your smile!"

She turned around and slashed the pink blade through a stalagmite. The top half slid off and plunked into the river.

"I think I'll keep this for myself. Souvenir GET!" she said with a fist-pump, deactivating the pink blade. She clipped the golden cylinder to her belt, then formed an energy spear in one hand, walking towards the man's body.

The tall skeleton blocked her path!

 **"HALT, UNDYNE!"**

" _YOU_ CAN'T GIVE ME ORDERS! I'M THE FREAKING _LEADER_ OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"

The tall skeleton did not flinch. **"I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE SOME THINGS TO SAY!"**

"won't hurt to listen," the short skeleton said with a shrug, winking his right eye-socket at the knight. She growled, but stood back and dispelled her weapon.

The tall skeleton took a deep breath. **"EVERYONE CAN BE A GREAT PERSON IF THEY TRY! I HEARD HIM SINGING FOR EVERYONE AT GRILLBY'S!"**

"ANOTHER SINGING ROBOT? NGAAAAAH!"

"it's true, he also dances."

"NO! IT'S A TRICK! HE'S TRICKED YOU ALL!"

"i called the old lady on the phone. he sang and danced for her."

The knight pulled off her helmet and slam-dunked it into the river, spraying everyone with water. She wore a black eye-patch over her left eye. She had blue scales, a yellow right eye, and sharp yellow fangs that jutted past her lips. Her ears looked like wiggling red and blue fins. A long red ponytail flowed in the wind.

"HE BURNED SNOWDIN FOREST!"

 **"NOT THE WHOLE THING! ICE WOLF AND THE REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS PUT IT OUT!"**

"THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE HIM!"

The short skeleton broke into a sweat, scratching the side of his skull. "actually, uh, that was me. i fought him, but all he did was... dodge."

Both the fish knight and the tall skeleton tilted their heads down at the short skeleton with infinite incredulity.

 **"SANS! YOU CAN FIGHT?!"**

The short skeleton held up both bony hands. "don't get too excited, bro."

"All I've ever seen you do is SLEEP at your post!"

"you can get alphys to show you the video."

 **"AND THE VIDEO OF HIS LOVELY ROUTINE AT GRILLBY'S!"**

The fish knight facepalmed. Her metal gauntlet didn't seem to hurt her naked face. "She set those cameras up to CATCH intruders, not defend them!"

The tall skeleton clasped both hands. **"I BELIEVE IN YOU, UNDYNE! YOU ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING!"**

The fish knight began to growl. Then she snarled, then at last she shouted, "NGAAAAAH!" and flung herself into the river, splashing everyone. "I'LL BE WATCHING! If he so much as BLINKS wrong, I'll skewer him!"

The current carried her deeper into the tunnels. The green aura evaporated, so the sleeping man fell over. The skeletons looked at each other.

"that was brave of you, bro."

The tall skeleton placed one hand on his chest and the other on his hip. **"NYEH HEH HEH! I AM VERY GREAT!"**

"Ughhh..." the man said, rolling onto his side. He opened his eyes. "It's you guys. What happened?"

"undyne spared you."

 **"I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, REASONED WITH HER!"**

The man got to his feet. He frowned at the tall skeleton. "What do you want?"

The tall skeleton smiled, his eyes wide and sincere. **"TO BE... YOUR FRIEND!"**

The man clutched his chest. It was fully repaired, but _more_ was going on inside him! That warm, light feeling had just grown _bigger_ within. It was not painful. In fact, it was the opposite.

It felt _right._ And that terrified him.

"What's happening to me? Why do I feel at ease around you folks? I'm a treasure hunter! I'm here to make myself more powerful!"

He staggered backward, shaking his head. Then he lurched forward away from the skeletons.


	16. Shyren

The man with silver hair ran through the waterfall tunnels. He hopped over the river where it crossed the road. The tunnel grew darker. Bioluminescent mushrooms and flowers cast their pale blue light over the rocks and water. He dashed over a wooden bridge, turned a corner, hopped over another watery gap in the road. He entered a dry tunnel full of those glowing blue flowers. Both branches of this tunnel were a dead end. The man sat down beside a telescope, hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on his knees.

"What's wrong with me?"

Stars and crescent moons sparkled above, decorating the roof of this tunnel. The warm lightness within him would not go away, no matter how many self-diagnostics he conducted. He heard whispering:

 _"I wish my sister and I will see the real stars someday..."_

The voice sounded familiar, but it came from the glowing blue flower beside him.

The man sighed. "I wish I knew what's happening to me."

He jumped when the flower echoed his words.

"Huh! More magic stuff."

Having calmed down somewhat, the man explored the dead ends. Yep. Nothing but rocks on both ends, but nevertheless the tunnels had led him here. He then smacked his open palm with a fist.

"It's a puzzle!"

The man walked up and down the tunnel listening to all the blue flowers. They gave no puzzle hints, but expressed the hopes and dreams of monsters who depended on their king for freedom from the Barrier. He returned to the telescope, scanning it: his keen eyes discerned mirror writing on the lens! If viewed through the other end, it revealed a hint!

He walked up one of the branches and touched the wall. It swung outward!

"I am the wisest," he said. This new tunnel had glowing writing on its walls, detailing the strengths and weaknesses of humans and monsters alike.

"Hmm. Monsters can absorb human souls to gain great power. That's disgusting. I wouldn't want any part of me to be human! I miss my Nightmare Souls. I was able to equip five custom parts. FIVE!"

The man threw his hands into the air, but turned to follow the path. It ended at a floating platform that bridged a chasm too wide for even him to jump. On the other side was a long, winding path that passed through tall grass before opening into a large, bright area where the river flowed.

Here, the very water shone with blue light! It was a jarring contrast, as though the wide blue sky was here, underground, trapped inside the river. The man followed the bridges and winding paths where glistening blue grass and flowers sprouted beside the shimmering river. Blasted water magic! It was unnatural! Unscientific!

The man was grateful to find his way into a tunnel where the river surged with normal water. While traversing the path that cut through the middle of the river, yellow tentacles slithered out of the depths on both sides!

"Ahhhh! A giant octopus!" the man yelled, then broke into a run. If that fish knight was capable of water magic, so was everything else down here.

"Wait! I'm not scary! I'm Onionsan! Onionsan, y'hear!"

"Ahhhh! A giant _talking_ octopus!" the man shrieked, diving through the exit. When he was certain that the grasping tentacles no longer threatened to drag him to a watery grave, the man resumed his walk.

888

The man with silver hair heard a hesitant song echoing through the tunnel. He followed the sound to find a mermaid scrunched up in a corner, her face turned to the wall. She stopped singing when she heard his footsteps. The man placed a hand on his hip and rubbed his chin. Having perfect recall, he hummed the first few notes of her tune. At first, no response. Then she sang the next few notes in a broken voice. He continued to echo her voice with humming until she'd completed the song.

The shy mermaid turned her head 180 degrees. What he had thought was her body stayed still. A headless mermaid wearing a singing fish as a hat? To be honest, he'd seen stranger things. The small fish, wearing a lopsided grin, waved her fin back and forth. She seemed to be waiting for something. The man searched his databanks for musical theory. He then raised his hands, his fingertips held towards her. He needed no baton when his entire body was an instrument.

He took a few steps back, then his hands moved his entire body to a simple, unhurried swaying motion. This drew out the sorrow in her voice, for sorrow heals you. Its plaintive, lonely cry called to the other monsters in hiding. They congregated around the man and sad singing fish. They, too, were lost.

The man then trembled his fingers, bringing his hands together, crushing his body into a knot, squeezing the fear from her throat, for fear protects you. Her fear howled out and up over the audience, wrenching tears from their eyes as well as hers.

He released his hands in wild violent motions that stretched his body out and away from its prison, and this tore anger from her heart, for anger gives you direction. She waved her fin with wrath, her voice energising the crowd so that they jumped up and down, or ran back and forth, or just stood there and shuddered with rage.

His hands flowed into effortless little circles around his power core that tamed her will to reveal the epiphany of joy, for joy makes you grow. As his hands made wider and wider circles away from his core, her voice rose likewise in crescendo until the crowd was vibrating with it, hooting, hollering, crying, leaping and yelling. Socks flew through the air in waves, piling up all around the man and the joyful singing fish.

The man lifted his hands in exultation above his head, and with her highest note yet the song ended in peace, stunning the audience into silence. But that silence soon gave way to adulation. The monsters lifted the headless mermaid and singing fish and carried them away in triumph.

When the man turned around he saw the short skeleton standing there with an empty toilet paper roll in his bony hand. His hoodie pockets overflowed with gold coins.

"'sup, mo? i made a killing selling all these tickets to your concert."

"You're just going to spend it all at Grillby's."

"whoa, mo, didn't know you're a mind-reader, too."

"I'll be on my way."

"slow down, mo, try reading the sign."

The short skeleton jerked his thumb at the writing on the wall.

"Eh? 'The northern room hides a great treasure?'"

Without another word he bolted past the short skeleton. It was a dead end! Maybe the piano here held the treasure? Nope, a scan revealed nothing but a piano. The stupid sign in this room didn't help either, said something about playing notes. He didn't have time for this! So he left, following the main road once more.

The glowing glyphs along the way said that humans could absorb the soul of the strongest monsters. Humans absorbing monster souls? That was, somehow, even more disgusting than the thought of monsters absorbing human souls!

888

The man with silver hair walked past a depressing statue of a sad monster, kneeling with its hands held out, but they were empty. Whatever it had been holding was now pulverised rocks littered around its knees. Rain and cold light dripped from an aperture above onto its bowed head, running off its grey horns. The man then came across an umbrella stand. It was raining just outside this tunnel. He paused, looked back, narrowed his eyes. This was another puzzle, wasn't it? He carried an open umbrella to protect the sad monster statue from the rain.

A music box within the statue began to play a sad little tune. His eyes opened wide. Notes! Piano! Treasure! Within seconds he was back at the piano, banging out the notes from the music box. A door opened in the wall! Inside stood an altar holding a bright red orb. The sign here pronounced it a legendary artefact! He held out his hands, but there was a small white dog on them, fast asleep. He shook the dog off, grabbing for the orb, but the dog was too swift! It flounced onto the altar and absorbed the orb into its body! When the man tried to capture it, the dog evaded him and phased through the nearest wall.

The man walked back to where the short skeleton still stood, jingling his pockets full of money.

The man pinched the bridge of his nose, then asked in a calm voice, "Sans, did you teach a small white dog how to teleport and phase shift?"

"that's a weird thing to ask. maybe the dog taught me."

The man looked down at the skeleton and his goofy grin. "I'm leaving."


	17. Dummy

The man with silver hair returned to the main road, took a new umbrella, and opened it. He hummed the music box's sad little tune to the rain that began to fall. A little ways down the road he met the small armless yellow dinosaur monster child that had two bruised eyes.

The man called out, "You sure do get around, kid."

The kid ran towards him, tripped, then faceplanted. He quickly got back up by pushing off the ground with his oversized head and stubby legs. "Yo, you got an umbrella? Awesome!"

The monster child scuttled over to stand under it. The man looked down at him. "Your favourite Royal Guard almost killed me."

The monster child hopped up and down, his bruised eyes bright. "Dude, I saw! It was so cool!"

They began walking together, the rain pattering upon their umbrella.

The man nodded. "I'm a bad guy."

"Yo, Undyne spared you! That means you're a good guy!"

The man placed a large hand upon the monster child's round, spiny noggin. "Flawless logic, that."

"Yo, you're alright! My sister always says I'm dumb!"

They journeyed together beneath their umbrella, the rain providing a lulling backdrop for their conversation. The child spoke of his king who taught children responsibility by donating flowers to their school project. The child wished Undyne would beat up his schoolteachers. Then he retracted his statement, claiming she'd never hurt an innocent.

The man smiled, feeling the warm lightness still resting within him. Whatever it was, it liked the child's words.

The tunnel ended, opening to the grand vista of New Home castle in the distance. The night 'outside' was clear, a gentle breeze blew. Serene stars flickered in an arc over the pinnacle. Seeing this vast landscape, it was difficult to believe they were still underground. They stood there awhile, content to take in the view. The man patted the monster child's head with one large hand. Hey, if dog monsters liked to be pet, why not all monsters? All too soon their journey resumed. They left the vision of beauty behind, entering a new tunnel where the rain fell once more.

888

The man with silver hair put down their umbrella, picked up the monster child and placed him on the ledge. He then jumped to join the child up there. They continued together through a dark, spooky tunnel whose gleaming glyphs detailed more of the war between humans and monsters, naming the humans as aggressors. At least it wasn't raining anymore.

The man tapped the monster child softly on the head. "You hate humans?"

"Yo, everyone does."

"Humans built me."

The monster child gasped. "Dude! That's nuts! What'd they make you for?"

"To fight bad guys."

"Did you win?"

"No. I ran away."

"Yo..." the monster child said, then was quiet.

They walked along raised walkways that all led to dead ends. Maybe this part of the tunnel wasn't complete.

"I see the river running far below us," the man said. "Hey, do you want to go back home? I plan to fall down there, it looks dirty."

The monster child shook his head. "Nuh uh! I wanna go with you!"

"Up you go, then."

The man placed the monster child on his shoulders then hopped off the walkway. They floated downward at a leisurely pace in silence.

Darkness gave way to light. The river and waterfalls greeted them at the bottom. When they landed, the man's boots barely made a ripple on the surface.

"Yo, that was so cool! How'd you do that?"

"My power core generates an antigravity field. It's my special ability."

"So you can fly?!"

"Nah, when I fall I miss the ground."

There were hills of garbage littering the river. The man carried the monster child on his shoulders through centuries-old muck and slime. He pointed at a garbage heap.

"Hey kid, wanna watch me blow stuff up?"

The monster child gasped, eyes wide. "Yeah!"

The man fired a plasma bolt at a garbage heap. It exploded with an impressive fireball.

"Yoooooo!" the monster child shouted, eyes bright.

The man collected an energy crystal capsule from the ashes, absorbing it through his hand. It lit up his power core. He could have just dug it out, but he had an audience on his shoulders.

What saying was hip among the youth? Oh, right. "Score!" the man said. "We can't give each other a fist-bump, so let's improvise."

The man held up a fist and the monster child headbutted it. When the man finished scanning, he stored the locations of all the other capsules buried around the dump. He wished he had an energy tank to store them all. For now he'd have to be content with digging through garbage like a hobo.

At the garbage dump's exit, a dummy made of cotton burst out of the water. It wore an ugly scowl.

"YOU ATTACKED MY COUSIN IN THE RUINS!" it shouted.

"Excuse me?"

"You smashed right into my cousin! They were so upset that they left their body!"

"I didn't know training dummies were monsters."

"We are ghosts who possess dummies!"

"There's no need to put yourself down like that."

At this, the dummy screamed and had a small army of cotton training dummies surround and shoot magical bolts at the man. He was still carrying the monster child on his shoulders, so he danced around the bullets. Some of them hit the angry dummy, whose body seemed to have a seizure, falling apart in pieces. It quickly reformed, though.

"Don't hit ME with magic attacks, you dummies! Hit the cousin-smasher!"

"Hahaha! Do that again!" the monster child said.

So the man kept performing malicious dodges that caused magic bullets to hit the angry dummy. This didn't count as killing, right? Was it assisted suicide? After a few rounds, the angry dummy called his army useless, fired them all then replaced them with... robots!

"DUMMY BOTS! MAGIC MISSILE!" the angry dummy commanded.

The robots did, indeed, fire missiles at the man. Though they tracked his movements, he was too fast, so the missiles ran out of fuel and exploded on the walls and floor, spraying water and rocks everywhere. Some of them hit the angry dummy, who continued shouting commands at his robot army. The man skipped, pranced, and swaggered about the river, guiding the magic missiles into the angry dummy's face while the monster child laughed and laughed.

The angry dummy had had it. He dismissed his robot army then declared, "I DON'T NEED FRIENDS! I'VE GOT KNIVES!"

A knife flew through the air, bounced off the man's armour with a _ping!_ then plunked into the river.

"I'm... out of knives."

Rain began to fall upon the angry dummy. Somehow, it damaged the sinister spectre, who retreated. The white bed-sheet ghost descended from the ceiling.

"hello..."

The man gave a thumbs-up. "Thanks for the assist, Napstablook!"

"i was there in grillby's... i heard you conduct shyren's song... i felt happy... still wanna hang out?"

The man turned his head. "What do you think, kid?"

The monster child bounced on his shoulders. "Yo, let's do it!"

"You heard him. Lead the way!"

"oh... this way..." the ghost said, then faded out of existence.

Shrugging, the man and monster child headed along the path. Just off the main road, there were two very strange bent houses, one white and one pink, both curved like the bed-sheet ghost. They entered the house painted white.


	18. Bravery

The bed-sheet ghost, who now wore headphones, was floating at his computer (he had no chair). He greeted the man with silver hair and the monster child. They ate ghost sandwiches (well, the ghost ate his sandwich. The ghost food passed right through the hands and mouth of the man and monster child, respectively). The unlikely trio spent a pleasant afternoon lying on the floor of the ghost's house. All three of them felt like garbage, each for their own reasons. As they lay on the floor, the cosmos entered the room. Billions of stars and galaxies surrounded them and sang the song of creation to them. They were the garbage of the universe.

And they felt fine.

Afterward they listened to the bed-sheet ghost's original spooky musical compositions. His music was slow, its staccato rhythms evoking feelings of dread. They thanked their host, then walked out his door, returning to the main road. The man put the monster child back on his shoulders.

"He's okay for a dead guy," the man said.

"He's a cool dude I guess. Creepy music though."

They passed more glowing glyphs that described the aftermath of the human-monster war. Seven humans created the Barrier to seal away all monsters, and it was indeed one-way, but someone with a strong soul could leave. A monster who absorbed seven human souls could destroy the Barrier completely, freeing them all.

The man hummed to himself. "There any humans down here, kid?"

"Yo, just dead ones!"

"That's... not helping. Oh well, we'll figure something out. Science can solve anything."

They walked for a long time in darkness, guided only by blue bioluminescent grass, mushrooms, and purple crystals. It was quiet.

"Yo, where'd everyone go?"

The man shrugged, bumping the monster child on his shoulders. "They're afraid of me."

"Yo... does that mean they're scared of ME too? That's so cool! We're like... a two-headed monster!"

They found a watery path where fireflies swirled over a field of blue flowers. They stood there awhile to drink in the sight, the fireflies winking on and off as they flew. The man heard the plants whispering.

"What do you call these, kid?"

"Yo, they're Echo Flowers! Me and my sis play with them all the time!"

"Monsters are bad at naming things."

"Yo, show some respect! Our king named them!"

Past the echoing flower field was inscribed a prophecy.

The man read it and said, "Hey kid, I'm from the surface. Am I the angel who's going to set everyone free?"

"Yo, no offense, but you gotta have wings to be an angel!"

They walked over a narrow wooden bridge.

"PUT THE KID DOWN!"

They froze, then turned to see the angry fish knight standing behind them. She had found her helmet and was wearing it.

"Yo! It's Undyne! She must have found a bad guy to fight!"

"I'm putting him down," the man said, placing the monster child on the wooden planks.

The fish knight pointed behind her. "GO BACK HOME, KID!"

"Y... yes ma'am!"

The monster child scurried towards the knight, but lost his balance and fell off the bridge. He had no arms. He couldn't grab onto anything to save himself. When the man saw this happening, every processor in his system went into overdrive to the point that the child's tiny cry of terror slowed to a halt in his perception. In this crystallised moment, every piece of data was quantified. The fish knight was spoiling for a fight. He would not survive their second encounter. He knew this through and through, the way a mayfly knows that a trout could eat it. Every cold equation ended in his death.

He had to run away, to survive.

And yet... this was the child who wished for his sister to see the real stars.

Just before they would melt, his processors braked and entered emergency cooldown. Time resumed its ruthless flow. The man's power core blazed with ruby light.

 _ **"KID!"**_

 __Neither the wind nor the fish knight saw the man move. The second half of the bridge, where he had been standing, suddenly exploded into splinters. A trail of fire lead to his current location on the support pillar. More impressive than his acceleration was that he stopped dead in his tracks. He had not dug in his heels, or skidded. His entire body had simply lost all momentum all at once. His afterimages were still catching up with him while he reached down. He plucked the monster child out of the air. The child was safe in his arms. He hugged the child for a long moment, then set him back down. The man knelt, removed his helmet, plonked it on the child's oversized head. The navy blue helmet shone with light then shrank to snugly fit the contours of the monster child's spiny skull.

"This," the man said with a serious face, as if this were the most important thing in the world, "is your helmet now. When you trip, you won't hurt yourself anymore. You'll also be able to headbutt all the bad guys without damaging your skull."

The red visor did not hide the monster child's tears. "Yo... you saved my skin. C-can I really have it?"

The man tapped the side of his own head, making a _ding! ding!_ sound. He was not smiling, but his deep blue eyes were. "My entire body is metal. The armour is just for show. I don't need it any more than you need pants."

The monster child sniffed and smiled. "Dude, I'm not wearing... oh, haha!"

The man patted the monster child on his new helmet. He still wore a serious expression, his long hair falling around his face in a dazzling silver curtain. "Go back home, now."

The monster child looked at the man for a moment, then _cautiously_ crossed the first half of the bridge to stand before the fish knight, who looked down at him and his new helmet.

"Y... y... yo... dude..." the monster child stuttered. "If... If y-you wanna hurt my friend... You're gonna have to get through me, first."

The man looked at the monster child puffing out his nonexistent chest muscles, holding his armoured head high. He was no taller than the fish knight's stomach.

The fish knight backed off and ran away.

There were no means for the man to quantify this. It was incalculable. So he shut down, kneeling on the support pillar while the second half of the bridge burned and fell into the abyss.


	19. Perseverance

The man with silver hair awoke to the sound of dripping water upon his forehead. He blinked. He was alone. The man brushed water out of his hair, hopped over the broken bridge and found the fish knight waiting for him. She was standing atop a huge tunnel entrance carved out of spiky rocks, her red ponytail dancing with the wind.

"Fuhuhu, I thought you were dead," she tittered by way of greeting.

"Were you waiting for me all this time? My chronometre says it's been four hours."

"I HAVE A JOB TO DO, OKAY? AND THIS IS IT!" she shouted down at him, shaking her fist.

The man held up both hands. "You're very good at your job."

The fish knight relaxed her stance, looking off into the distance. "I wish you were a human. Our king, Asgore, needs seven human souls to become a god and break the Barrier. He has six so far, just needs one more."

"He collected six human souls? Is he a lich?"

The fish knight snorted. "He's too fluffy to be a witch."

"That's not what I... look, I plan to break the Barrier myself."

The fish knight threw back her head and laughed. "Fuhuhuhu! YOU? One energy spear and you're done! I threw hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of them at the Barrier and it didn't even flicker!"

The man waved a hand in dismissal. "Water is my weakness, but my weapons are more powerful than yours."

"You mean like this cool laser sword?" she said, holding up the golden cylinder.

"Yes, that... that's _my_ D-Sabre! Give it BACK!" the man yelled, baring his teeth.

"MAKE ME, YOU LOSER!"

She pulled off her helmet to chuck it down at him. From her hand, it had the force of a bullet, but he swatted it aside with one hand with a loud _CLANG!_ He held up his other hand. It shone with light that coalesced into his buster cannon. One plasma bolt blew apart the rocks the fish knight was standing on, collapsing the entire mouth of the tunnel, burying her with it. A second later, the rocks exploded outward. The angry fish knight stood at the centre of the blast, inside the reopened tunnel. There wasn't a scratch on her raging blue face.

"NGAAAAAAH! ROCKS CAN'T HURT ME!"

The man dashed towards her. She kicked him in the head with a _SPANG!_ of her metal greaves. He reeled, thudding into the tunnel wall.

She ran down the tunnel. "Fuhuhu! I'm gonna toss your laser sword into the volcano!" she said over her shoulder.

The man got up and continued chasing her. "Get back here, you talking sushi!"

"YOU'RE TOO SLOW, PRETTY BOY!"

They ran past a huge LED scrolling billboard that read, 'WELCOME TO HOTLAND!' in big red letters. Hot air gusted towards them.

"I'm gonna get you, you toothy can of tuna!"

"TRY NOT TO TRIP OVER YOUR SKIRT, DYNA!"

"That... that's not my name!"

"SO YOU ADMIT TO WEARING A SKIRT?"

"That's it! I'm gonna pry open that tin can you're wearing!" he said, firing a plasma bolt down the tunnel at her. She ducked. The plasma bolt whooshed out of the tunnel, past a sentry station where the short skeleton was fast asleep, over a wooden bridge, then hit a water cooler, which exploded into a cloud of steam.

The runners raced out of the tunnel into a vast cavern. The rocks glowed and the air shimmered with orange heat from magma bubbling below.

"Give me back my D-Sabre!"

The short skeleton woke up at that, watching the man and the fish knight dart past him.

"undyne! i think you should give him back his D!" he hollered.

"SHUT UP, SANS!"

"really, undyne, it's not polite to steal a man's D like that!" he hooted.

"NGAAAH! INTO THE FIRE IT GOES!"

"No! It's mine!"

The man tackled the fish knight before she could cast his beloved sword into the fiery depths. They wrestled, rolling over the wooden bridge, somehow not falling off as they did so.

"YOU PRISSY SISSY PRANCING SCHOOLGIRL!" she screeched, one gauntlet wrapped around his neck like vise-grip pliers. Sweat poured off her scaly face in rivulets, turning to steam when it touched the neck of her metal armour.

"You funky clanking fishy codpiece!" he bellowed, finally wrenching the gold cylinder from her other hand.

The fish knight frowned, not understanding how he could still fight and talk with his windpipe crushed, but then she remembered he was a robot. A very handsome robot. He didn't have lungs, or a heart, or even vocal chords. He had no soul, either.

Such a pity he had to die.

Even though she was pinned down, she created an energy spear in midair, aiming it at his power core. No mistakes this time. When he shut down for repairs, she'd toss him into the magma. He wouldn't regenerate from _that,_ right?

Her brilliant plan was interrupted when she passed out from heatstroke, her body going limp under him. The energy spear dissipated before it pierced his armour.

The man stood up and reattached the gold cylinder to its sheath on the small of his back. He dusted off his hands, looking down at the unconscious fish knight. "Well, well, well. What do we have here? A fish wearing its own skillet."

"that's a good one, mo. so, she gave you the D?"

The short skeleton was now standing in front of them. He winked his right eye-socket at the man, who said, "Oh hey, Sans. Could you take her back home?"

"i don't have the muscles to lift two hundred pounds of armour and fish."

"Just teleport!"

"sorry mo, i've gotta man my post."

"You were sleeping on the job!"

The short skeleton shrugged, wearing that maddening grin. "hey, if you caught a fish, it's only fair i catch a few winks."

"Fine, I'll take her. She's starting to cook."

He wasn't joking; steam was rising from her armour like a kettle. The man knelt, lifted the comatose fish knight in his arms and, with a flick of his silvery locks, scanned the area for the shortest path to the river... Hey, there was one nearby!

He walked towards the towering gray building that dominated Hotland, with a simple sign that read 'LAB' over its entrance. There were two burly knights in armour guarding an elevator along the way. They almost dropped their weapons when they saw the intruder carrying their leader as if he were a hero carrying a sleeping princess.

"01!" the dragon knight said, grabbing his comrade's arm. "A vision of beauty approaches us!"

"Whoa, 02, bro, you talked? I mean, you said a complete sentence? You feeling okay?" the bunny knight said.

"I never spoke before because I was uninspired!" the dragon knight said with a wave of his sword. "Behold their long, gorgeous hair, and the graceful curves of their face, that were formerly trapped by an unsightly helmet!"

"Well, we gotta rescue her, bro!" the bunny knight said.

"Rescue...? Oh, of course!"

"Undyne!" they said together, rushing up to the man, pointing their swords at him.

The man shook his head, silver strands flying, his deep blue eyes wide and sincere. "Calm down boys, she's too hot so I'm taking her to the river."

"Bro, he thinks she's cute, too! Except he totally plans to kidnap her!" the bunny knight said.

"Zounds! The handsome hoodlum must be in cahoots with the river person!" the dragon knight said.

"H-handsome, bro?" the bunny knight stammered, looking at his comrade.

"Team attack!" the dragon knight commanded.

The knights lunged with their swords in perfect synchronisation. Truly, the fish knight had trained them well. Their blades cut the air as the man leaped high over them, in an arc headed for the riverbank downstairs.

The dragon knight shouted a battlecry, running down the rocky stairs with a _CLANK CLANK CLANK_ of metal greaves. "Destroy that dashing dastard!" he said, waving his sword.

"D-dashing, bro?" the bunny knight stuttered, following close behind with just as much noise.

"Team attack!" the dragon knight said, pointing at the cloaked figure on whose wooden boat the man now stood.

"This is a strange introduction, but I'm sorry to involve you in this," the man said to the cloaked figure.

"Tra la la," the cloaked figure sang. "I love to ride in my boat. Would you care to join me?"

The man kicked the boat off the riverbank, evading two sword swings that just hit water. "I'm not going back. I just want to get rid of her."

"Oh no, bro!" the bunny knight said. "Now he's totally planning to drown her!"

"That ravishing rapscallion! He knows she'll be dragged to a watery grave in that heavy armour!" the dragon knight said, falling to his knees with a _THUNK._

"R-ravishing, bro?" the bunny knight said, tilting his helmet down at his comrade.

Meanwhile, the man stepped off the boat and onto the water. Onto, not into. His feet did not sink past the dark blue mirror surface. He walked backward to the centre of the river, leaving ripples where his boots passed. He knelt, placing the fish knight to lie upon the clear waters. When his hands left her, she sank swiftly to the bottom, disappearing from sight.

"Forsooth, the debonair devil has drowned our leader!" the dragon knight cried out, holding his hands to the heavens in fruitless supplication.

"D-debonair, bro?" the bunny knight whimpered between sobs as he knelt at the riverbank beside his comrade.

The surface of the river swelled and rose, pushing the boat away. A wave crashed ashore, knocking the two knights onto their backs. When the waters retreated, there stood the angry fish knight, hale and hearty, with a terrifying toothy snarl on her face.

"NGAAAAAAH! WATER CAN'T HURT ME!" she thundered, her ear fins wiggling with fury.

"Lo, our leader lives!" the dragon knight said, his hands touching her greaves as though she were an angel walking out of a tomb.

"M-Miss Undyne! We were so worried!" the bunny knight said, holding her left hand with both his hands.

The fish knight made a fist then clonked both of her subordinates on their helmets. "01! 02! GET BACK TO GUARDING THE ELEVATOR!" she said.

"Yes'm!" the bunny knight said.

"At once, madam!" the dragon knight said.

They scrambled back upstairs.

Back at the riverbank, the fish knight looked around. The man was gone. The cloaked figure still floated there on the boat.

"Tra la la. The angel is coming... Tra la la," the cloaked figure sang.

"That bucket of bolts is no angel," the fish knight said, then dove back into the river with a huge splash, rocking the boat.


	20. Alphys

The man with silver hair walked through the dark laboratory. His eyes saw everything with perfect clarity. It was a mess in here! A computer desk was piled high with dirty ramen bowls, chopsticks, and loose sheaves of paper covered in illegible scribbles that were probably handwriting. Beside the messy desk, there was a fridge radiating excessive amounts of thermal energy, and a gigantic bag of dog food. Why was the fridge hot? And why the dog food? He detected no dogs. Then again, judging by the Royal Guards of Snowdin, the dogs of the Underground did not obey Euclidean geometry or the law of conservation of energy. Maybe the scientist was another dog?

The man stood before the colossal monitor that dominated the wall on the other side of the desk. His own face was displayed there. He gave the camera a wave. So, this was where the voyeur lived. He was about to walk out the exit on the other side of the room when another door slid open. An short fat yellow bucktoothed anthropomorphic lizard wearing glasses and a white lab coat waddled out. The lights switched on at her arrival.

When she noticed the intruder, her jaw dropped. He bowed at the hip.

"Hello, my name is Dynamo, and you're Doctor Alphys."

"Y-you know my n-name?"

"I downloaded every scrap of data on this floor when I walked in. You're a very busy scientist and pervert."

"A-amazing! You didn't even touch the c-computers!" she said, scurrying over on her short legs to touch his hand. Why are monsters so touchy-feely?

The man raised one eyebrow. "You're not worried that I know all your secrets?"

The lizard scientist snorted, running her claws along the lines of his hand. "I was worried! That you'd k-kill everyone! But! You haven't! So... right now I'm just c-curious..."

He patted the lizard scientist on the head. He was getting the hang of petting. "Ask away."

She blushed a violent red. "Are... are you a pleasure model?"

A minute later the lizard scientist was still apologising while the man laughed. He had never laughed this hard before. He was now leaning against a wall, denting its metal plate as he hit it over and over with his fist.

"I'm a combat model," the man finally said. He rubbed his eyes even though he could not cry.

"B-but I saw you with the bunnies in S-Snowdin!" she protested. Her red face looked ready to pop.

The man shook his head. "I was wrong about you. You're not a pervert, you're a _super_ pervert."

The lizard scientist squeaked and hid her face. The man summoned his vast reserves of chill to take another approach, placing a hand on her spiky head as he explained the facts of reploid life.

"Look, the name of the game is adaptability. The reploid progenitor, Megaman X, was designed with a variable weapons system. Therefore, even I can adapt to _any_ situation."

"Oh... _ohhh..._ " the lizard scientist said, nodding, her red blush still burning her face. "Tell me more about reploids!"

The man sat cross-legged on the floor then patted his lap. The lizard scientist toddled into his lap and took a seat there, though she had both hands pressed against her cheeks in extreme embarrassment. While petting her spiny head, the man told her the same story he'd told the goat lady. A human named Dr. Cain dug up the super fighting robot, Megaman X. Man and machine worked together to make copies of X.

"These replica androids, or 'reploids', possess free will, just like the original, X. Naturally, some revolted against their human masters. The villains are called 'Mavericks', and the heroes, like X, are called 'Maverick Hunters'."

"It's so sad that X fights his own children! S-So which side are you on?"

The man poked her nose. "I'm a bad guy."

"But you didn't k-kill anyone!" she said, her beady little eyes growing wider. He could feel her heart beating very fast, it shook her whole tiny body.

The man sighed. "I know. It's this feeling I have..." he said, placing a large hand over his power core. That warm light presence still rested there, somewhere inside. He had felt it grow even more when he saved the fish knight. Is that what he does now? Help people? So he'd run away, hoping it was just an error. He could not analyse it. He could not delete it. What virus had infected him?

"W-well, I made a robot of my own, out of metal and magic!" the lizard scientist said with a grin, balling both her fists. "I named him 'Mettaton'!"

"Ugh, magic! I hate that stuff!" the man said. He disentangled the lizard scientist from his lap, then stood. "I'm heading to the Barrier before he shows up."

There was a loud pounding sound from behind the wall.

The lizard scientist giggled a bit, looking at the floor. "Uh... thing is, you w-would classify Mettaton as a 'Maverick'..."

The man facepalmed. "Oh no."

The wall exploded outward, killing all the lights. "OH YES! WELCOME, BEAUTIES..."

A spotlight shone down. Through the debris rolled a single wheel whose leg supported a rectangular box made of grey metal, circular dials, and red lights in the shape of the letter 'M'. The rectangular robot had two cartoonish hands, one of which held a microphone. The other hand was waving at a television camera.

"...TO TODAY'S QUIZ SHOW!" it said. Disco balls lit up the scene with bright revolving dots of all different colours. The words "GAME SHOW" shone with neon letters above the hole in the wall. Energetic, thrilling music filled the room.

The man nodded. "I've seen enough. Goodbye, Dr. Alphys. It was fun," he said, then headed for the exit.

"OUR CONTESTANT CAN'T LEAVE! THE SHOW'S JUST STARTED!"

A bolt of electricity struck the man. He absorbed it, then gave the rectangular robot a thumbs-up without turning around or stopping. "Thanks for the recharge!"

He left the building through the other end, the doors shutting behind him. The disco lights, neon sign and vigorous music shut off abruptly. "WELL, WELL, WELL. THE PILOT WAS A FLOP."

The rectangular robot tucked in its wheel and arms. A rocket booster propelled it through the roof, raining debris down on the lizard scientist who skittered for cover.

"That wasn't supposed to h-happen!" she said.


	21. Cooking

With glowing orange magma below, the man with silver hair crossed conveyor belts and metal pipe networks, none of which had handrails. Did monsters unionise under these working conditions? The path ended in a grid of rocky islands that had blinking arrows built into their floors. Intrigued, he set foot on one and a massive jet of steam lifted his boot into the air. He fell onto his rump.

"To heck with those!" he said, then leaped from one island to the next, eschewing the steamy arrows altogether. The path reformed north of the islands, but this corridor of pipes was guarded by robotic eyes that shot orange and blue lasers.

The man touched a hand to his ear. The metal discs on either side of his head were classified as "aural receptor units" but everyone called them 'ears' for convenience. "Dr. Alphys? It's Dynamo."

 _"How did you get my number?!"_ the voice in his ear said.

"I scanned your phone. I scan everything. It's how I learn. Look, there are little round robots here shooting lasers. Are they alive? Are they monsters?"

 _"N-no, they don't have souls."_

A broad smile appeared on the man's face. "Perfect. Thank you, goodbye."

The hand touching his ear transformed into his buster cannon. He took aim and shot down each and every eye-laser in the area as he progressed through it. The pipe network ended at a massive metal door, with paths leading off to either side of it.

The man touched his ear again. "Alphys, I'm going to blow up this door. Tell whoever's behind it to step back."

 _"No! You can solve the p-puzzles to open it!"_

"Hmm, you have a point. I _am_ trying to conserve energy."

The man nodded to the two monsters wearing sunglasses who were dangling their legs off the cliff outside the right-hand puzzle room.

"Hey, I saw you on Mettaton's quiz show!" the green horned monster said.

"I'm sorry for not providing you much entertainment," the man said with a bow.

"Are you kidding?" the black wisp monster holding a cup of coffee said. "It was the funniest thing ever!"

"Mettaton is the strictest boss in the Underground. He personally wrote a song for each of his employees, dedicated to how bad they are at their job!"

"That's... demeaning. Good day, gentlemen."

Inside the puzzle room was a disembodied fox head that also wore sunglasses. It complained about the puzzle trapping everyone so that they couldn't go to work. The man contemplated the monitor displaying a simple shooting game: he had to move blocks to clear a path to shoot the enemy ship. He made one move, then fired two shots that removed one block and hit the enemy ship.

The left-hand puzzle room was blocked by another robot eye shooting a blue laser beam. The man destroyed it with a plasma bolt.

His ear-phone rang. _"H-hey! I was just about to tell you, I can turn that laser off for you!"_

The man touched his ear. "Alphys, my eyes can see radio waves. Your computer controls all the traps and puzzles in Hotland."

 _"Oh? Oh..."_

"However, I like your style. You're sneaky, underhanded, and ruthless. I bet you even set your pet robot on me. Tell you what, I'll play along."

 _"I don't understand w-why you would."_

The man smiled. "I may know your secrets but I'm not telling you mine."

He hung up, then nodded to the two monsters wearing schoolgirl uniforms. They had been trapped behind the laser beam.

"Ladies," he said with a flash of teeth and a wink.

The schoolgirls clasped their hands and sighed as he entered the puzzle room.

"He's cute," the green fire elemental schoolgirl said, smoothing the pleats of her skirt.

"He's a hunk," the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, rolling her skateboard up and down with one foot.

"He's even prettier up close. Do you think he has a girlfriend?" the green fire elemental schoolgirl said, twirling her flaming ponytail around one burning finger.

"Gosh, he might have boyfriends, too! Dozens of them!" the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, adjusting her red cap.

They both sighed and said together, "We don't stand a chance!"

Inside the left-hand puzzle room, the man shifted all the blocks to the left to destroy one block then the enemy ship. He stepped back out of the room, nodding to the schoolgirls again.

"Ladies," he said with a flick of his silver locks.

"Oh! Mister! Would you take a selfie with us?" the green fire elemental schoolgirl asked, holding up her cellphone.

"I always have time for my fans," the man said, walking over to gaze down at them with his deep blue eyes.

"So... tall..." the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, craning her neck, dribbling out the corner of her mouth.

The man knelt between them so that he could fit into the shot. Both girls held up their phones and snapped a few dozen shots of their group with various poses and facial expressions. Even the man played along, making silly faces and poses.

"That was fun! See you later Mister!" the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, waving.

"My name is Dynamo," the man said with a wink.

"Dynamo," the schoolgirls said together. They then uploaded all their photos, and updated their statuses. Everyone in their school became extremely jealous, including some teachers.

888

The man with silver hair passed through the thick metal doors, hopped over a few rocky islands, then entered a dark kitchen. He could see what awaited him.

He facepalmed. "Oh no."

"OH YES!"

The lights came on, then the rectangular robot emerged from behind the kitchen counter! It was wearing a tall white chef's hat, held a microphone and was waving at a television camera.

The man shook his head. "Hello, Mettaton."

"WELCOME, BEAUTIES, TO THE UNDERGROUND'S PREMIER COOKING SHOW!"

The words, _"Cooking with killer robots"_ appeared in bright pink text for the benefit of the audience. The man snickered.

"GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, DYNAMO!"

The rectangular robot clapped its hands as colourful confetti rained down on the man. Everywhere in the Underground, sitting in front of television sets, monsters clapped their hands, fins, claws, or other appendages. Two Mettaton shows in one day! So exciting!

The man shook his head to free confetti from his hair. "What are we making today, Mettaton?"

"SO GLAD YOU ASKED, BEAUTIFUL! WE'RE MAKING A CAKE!"

The man gathered sugar, milk, and eggs from the kitchen then brought them to the rectangular robot.

"PERFECT! GREAT JOB, BEAUTIFUL! OH, BUT WAIT ONE MAGNIFICENT MOMENT! I ALMOST FORGOT THE SECRET INGREDIENT!"

The rectangular robot lifted a chainsaw from below the counter.

"ONE ROBOT POWER CORE!"

The chainsaw revved. The rectangular robot lifted the roaring saw above its head then slashed the man across his chest, showering sparks everywhere. There was a _SKREEEEE_ followed by a _THWACK_ as the saw-chain burst free of the guide-bar, whipping the milk, sugar, and eggs into the air. While yolk, milk and sugar splattered across the man and the rectangular robot, the flying sparks set the wooden counter on fire.

The Underground viewers at home cheered.

"OH MY! I USED THE WRONG TOOL FOR THE JOB! FEAR NOT, BEAUTIES! WE WILL RETURN SHORTLY WITH ANOTHER EPISODE!"

The rectangular robot tucked its arms, leg, and chef's hat into its body, then rocketed up and out of sight. The man rubbed a large hand over his chest, but the chainsaw hadn't done any damage to his armour. He was more worried about how to get all the white and yellow crud off his body. He walked out of the burning kitchen, trying in vain to clean his hair.


	22. Reporting

The man with disgusting dirty hair stood for a moment to appreciate the vista of the titanic power plant in the distance. Trunk-like metal pipes wriggled all around the metal building, which sat in a magma ocean.

He touched his ear. "I see the CORE, Alphys. I read all your notes, but I still don't understand how it converts geothermal energy into magic."

There was laughter from the other end. _"T-trade secret!"_

"Touché. See, this is why I like you! On a serious note, if our human and reploid scientists exchanged data with you, we would solve the energy problem permanently. They'd also be interested in your pocket dimension tech, which you currently use to store items. It can be used for so much more!"

The lizard scientist was quiet for a while, then said, _"Humans hate us monster folk."_

It was the man's turn to be quiet for a bit. Then he said, "I can't change their minds, but I will protect you."

The man hung up, then entered the shiny chrome elevator at the end of the road.

888

On the upper floor, the man with filthy grimy hair met the short skeleton inside a sentry station, which somehow had snow on its roof.

"Hi, Sans."

"hey, 'mo, wanna buy a hotdog?"

Around the sentry station there were two monsters enjoying hotdogs. One was a miniature volcano monster with a hotdog stuck inside its smoking vent. The hotdog was not burning. The other was a bird monster who was riding a floating hotdog like a hover-board.

"No thanks, your hotdogs ignore physical laws that I happen to cherish."

"welp, see ya later, 'mo."

The path continued past large gears spinning in the background, part of some huge unseen machine. There was a switch puzzle blocking the path with conveyor belts and two Tesla coils with electricity arcing between them.

The man touched his ear. "Alphys, I didn't know you cared!"

 _"About what?"_

The man placed his large hands on the crackling globes, absorbing their electrical current. The milk, sugar, and eggs vaporised, the searing heat cleaning his armour and - more importantly - his hair.

"Ah, recharged and decontaminated. I feel like I just stepped off the assembly line!" the man said, shaking his luminous silver hair back and forth. Electricity arced between the strands so that it looked like he carried a thunderstorm upon his brow. Milk and egg powder sifted to the ground with sugar crystals.

 _"You repair yourself with energy-to-matter conversion? A-Astounding!"_

"I understand that 'monster food' is not digested, but undergoes matter-to-energy conversion on a _biological_ level. That, too, will change the world forever."

 _"You... you don't think it's weird?"_

"I think it's beautiful. An elegant form of cuisine that will make humans more tolerable to live with."

The man hopped over yet more arrow islands. On the other side he passed an electronic safe that, his scan told him, contained a lump of cheese. He walked by some chimneys and turned a corner into yet another dark room.

The man said his line. "Oh no."

"OH YES!"

Ten monsters watching television at home heard a catchy breaking news jingle. They saw the rectangular robot wearing a red suit and yellow tie, seated behind a desk. A large screen in the centre of the studio showed the man with silver hair, who currently held his face in his palm.

The rectangular robot greeted its viewers then introduced the bewildered man as its brave correspondent reporting live on an 'interesting situation' in eastern Hotland.

The man put one hand over his ear, looked at the camera, flashed a smile. _"Good evening Mettaton! We have an explosive situation on our hands!"_

"BRAVE CORRESPONDENT, PLEASE ENLIGHTEN OUR NINE FABULOUS VIEWERS!"

 _"There are bombs planted all over this area!"_

The man then ran from one object to another, pointing at it and reporting: the basketball, movie script, small white dog, glass of water, wrapped gift, and videogame were all bombs!

 _"Well, Mettaton, it looks like my career as a correspondent is about to explode! Luckily, the genius Dr. Alphys taught me how to defuse bombs!"_

"SHE DID? I MEAN, HOW WONDERFUL!"

The six objects came to life and began moving around the area (except the dog, who fell asleep). The man used the bomb-defusing program he'd downloaded from Alphys's files to deal with the threats. The glass of water was flying all over the place but the man was faster, and caught and defused it in midair. The viewers at home ooh'd and ahh'd at his acrobatics. At some point, Mettaton arrived on the scene, hovering above a huge round pink bomb in the centre of the area.

"THE BIGGEST BOMB IS STILL GOING TO EXPLODE!"

The man ran over to it. The bomb-defusing program did not work on the pink bomb, so he knelt, heaved the heavy thing onto his shoulders, then chucked it down into the volcano, where it exploded in a beautiful red and orange lava plume that shook the ground.

Mettaton shook a fist. "CURSES! IT SEEMS I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN!" then flew away. The man turned to the television camera, placed a hand on his ear, flashed a smile.

 _"Thanks to our eight viewers for watching!"_

The news jingle played as the program ended.


	23. Muffet

The man with silver hair went up another shiny chrome elevator. At the top, instead of the usual heated orange rock, he walked onto a well-maintained walkway made of red metal. At this height, it was darker and the air was getting cooler, but it was still very warm. Along the walkway were large spider webs that hung from the machinery, their white strands gathering around a table where a purple anthropomorphic spider girl sat. She had five eyes, six arms, and two legs. She wore red pantaloons with a huge red ribbon on her chest, as well as two smaller red ribbons tied around her black pigtails.

Two little white fangs poked out of her mouth when she spoke. "Welcome to our parlour, dearie~ Interested in some spider pastries? All proceeds go to real spiders~"

Six hands gestured to the croissant and donut on the table before her.

The man shook his head. "I don't eat."

The spider girl looked up at him with her five eyes. They winked at him in sequence, then she licked her lips. She said nothing. The man excused himself, then continued along the road.

After traversing more steaming arrow islands in order to solve two more ship-shooting puzzles, the heavy metal double doors to the next area opened. At the end of the road the man entered a purple building that had a single narrow walkway suspended over a pit in near-total darkness. There were little purple spiders everywhere, some hanging from their silk, some scuttling over webs. The entrance walkway ended in the middle of the room, replaced by a very wide, thick series of spider webs that formed a bridge leading to another walkway on the other end of the room, where the exit lay.

"Ahuhuhuhu... Did you hear what they just said?"

That chortle sounded like the purple spider girl he'd politely refused to buy pastries from earlier.

The man said nothing, approaching the spider web bridge.

The laughter continued. "They said a robot with silver hair would come through. I heard that they hate spiders. I heard that they love to stomp on them."

The man saw that he could leap over the web bridge, but if he did, he'd be caught in all the spider webs hanging just above it. He wanted to set them all on fire, but he refrained. So he began walking across the sticky spider silk suspension bridge, which bore his weight without even bending. Impressive spider architecture, that. His boots were quickly ensnared, making progress slow and difficult even with his strength.

"I heard that they like to tear their legs off. I heard..."

The purple spider girl appeared beside the bridge, seated in the middle of her own enormous web. The smaller purple spiders closed in on the man from above and to the sides.

"...that they're awfully stingy with their money."

The man held up his hands, from which gluey silk strands fell. "I don't have any money, but I could work for you instead."

"Ahuhuhuhu..." she tittered. "The person who warned us about you, offered us a lot of money if we trapped you."

The man placed a large hand on his hip, cracking a grin. "There is nothing money can buy that I cannot do."

"And how is that, dearie?"

"I'm the coolest and wisest one of all. When everyone else gets too hot, I stay frosty."

"Ahuhuhuhu... funny you should mention the cold. It is our problem."

The purple spider girl explained her family's predicament. The man clapped his hands once.

"I can bring them safely here, no problem."

"Is that so?"

The man just smiled at her.

888

The lizard scientist heard a doorbell.

"It's open!" she yelled from her computer desk. There was an animated human girl on the screen with bright pink hair.

The doors parted to allow the man with silver hair into the lab.

The lizard scientist squinted at him. "Wait, I-I don't have a doorbell."

The man chuckled. "I remotely hacked your speakers. Listen, I need to go back through Waterfall, but I don't want that hot-blooded tin of sardines to jump me."

The lizard scientist tapped her claws together, looking at the floor. "Wha-what do you want me to do?"

The man walked over, placed a single finger below her chin, then gently tilted it upward so that she'd look at him. "Would you kindly order her to leave me alone?"

The lizard scientist's face turned red while her eyes bugged out. "I cuh-could never!"

The man placed his other hand upon her spiny head, stroking the sharp spikes while he leaned in closer. She was aware of his large deep blue eyes near to her beady black ones. When his lips moved, she did not feel warm air upon her cheek. He didn't breathe.

"Please, Alphys," he said in a syrupy voice.

His hands felt cold under her chin and upon her head. The lizard scientist shivered. "Uh... okay, I'll try," she said.

888

The man with silver hair sat cross-legged upon the wooden boat, listening to the cloaked figure sing.

"Tra la la. Tri li li. Tre le le."

Though a faceless, shapeless monster who spent all their time ferrying passengers, they could carry a tune. The man stepped off at Snowdin's river bank.

"Now, you're sure you won't mind?" he asked the cloaked figure.

"Tra la la."

"I'll hold you to that."

The man turned his face towards the town.

888

The angry fish knight barged into the Lab. She was all teeth and fists.

"What's this about, Alphys?" she said in a rough, impatient voice, pointing behind her with a black metal finger. "Dynamo is sailing through Waterfall! I'm supposed to be watching him!"

The lizard scientist was standing there, fists clenched, staring at the floor. The fish knight clanked across the floor to tower over the smaller monster.

"NGAAAH! ANSWER ME!" she yelled.

"U-Undyne..." the small lizard said slowly.

"Yeah?"

The small lizard lifted her head, bared her teeth and pointed at the fish knight. Her glasses flashed. She said in a loud voice, "As Royal Scientist! I order you! To give Dynamo free passage!"

The fish knight turned into a statue. Her boundless energy was silent, her habitual bouncing motions stilled. The small lizard swallowed audibly. The fish knight reached up, removed her helmet. There was a light red blush on her blue face.

"Gosh, you're cute when you order me around."

Then the small lizard blushed as well. She stammered, "I-I-I-I..."

The fish knight knelt before the small lizard. Her severe yellow eyes cut into the little black eyes of the smaller monster. "Hey... now that my schedule's been freed up, you have any other orders for me?"

The small lizard began to sweat. "W-well... I have a few ideas..."


	24. The Plan

The monsters on Snowdin's street recognised the man with silver hair from his television debut.

"Good job sticking it to the man!" said the brown bear wearing an orange parka.

"Thank you. I heard he's a bad boss."

"He's the worst! I read so many stories on the UnderNet!"

The man asked the bear for directions. Moments later he knocked on the door of a two-storey house.

The tall skeleton answered the door. His eyes opened wide. **"WOWIE, IT'S THE INTERLOPER! ARE YOU HERE TO TURN YOURSELF IN?"**

"Not today, Papyrus. I'd like to ask you a question."

The man gestured to the igloo beside the house. "I noticed this convenient tunnel the first time I passed through. Who built it?"

The tall skeleton placed one hand on his hip and the other on his chest. **"WHY, I DID! IT'S ONE OF MY MANY TALENTS! I LOVE HELPING THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE OF SNOWDIN!"**

The man rubbed his hands together. Then he remembered something. "Oh! You must be getting cold. Let's talk inside."

The tall skeleton narrowed his eye-sockets and looked off to one side. **"OH! YOU WISH TO... HANG OUT WITH ME?"**

The man chuckled. "Business before pleasure."

The tall skeleton invited him indoors, where they sat upon a green sofa.

"Tell me, Papyrus, how long did the tunnel take to build?"

 **"TWO DAYS!"**

"Hmm, the project I have in mind would take even longer..."

 **"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I MADE THE TUNNEL ITSELF IN FIVE MINUTES. EACH IGLOO TOOK A DAY TO BUILD BECAUSE SANS WOULDN'T HELP ME!"**

The man raised his silver eyebrows. "How'd you dig so fast?"

The tall skeleton closed his eye-sockets, a red blush appearing on his cheekbones. **"MY BONES AREN'T JUST GOOD FOR FIGHTING!"**

"Oh! I remember your attacks. The bones just popped out of the ground. Earth magic, huh?"

 **"EXACTLY! SANS TAUGHT ME WELL!"**

The man steepled his fingers. "Then here's what I have in mind..."

888

The man with silver hair stood before the huge heavy stone double doors that separated Snowdin from the Ruins. He braced his shoulder against one door and pushed, the stone grinding as it reluctantly swung inward. As soon as he let go, the door swung back shut with a ponderous _BOOM._ He found the goat lady halfway down the basement tunnel leading to her home upstairs. She was heading in his direction, but stopped when she saw him.

"I heard you enter! I did not think anyone was strong enough to open those doors without magic. Dynamo, did you break the Barrier?"

The man shook his head. "Sorry, Toriel, I have another mission to complete before that one."

He put an arm around her broad shoulders as they walked back upstairs, discussing his plan.

At the top of the stairs, the man leaned his head closer to hers. "May we use your basement for this?"

The goat lady smiled. "You may. You are very kind to help that child."

"It's all your fault, you know. I've had this funny feeling in my chest ever since I met you, and it keeps getting bigger."

The goat lady pressed both paws against her fuzzy cheeks. "Oh dear! Have you fallen in love?"

The man did not laugh. He placed a large hand over his power core. "Is this what love feels like? Like I'm floating in the sky near the sun?"

"Perhaps it is indigestion."

The man laughed at that. "You're so silly, Toriel. Thanks for accommodating us. I'm going to round up some spiders."

"We heard you!" said a tiny voice near the ceiling.

"Who is that?" the goat lady asked, blinking her dark red eyes.

A small purple spider dropped from a nook in the roof, hanging in front of their faces by a silken thread. "We're the spider clan trapped in the Ruins! We've been here for generations!"

"You have been living in my home all this time?" the goat lady asked.

"Yes, it's lovely and warm in here. Your cooking smells so nice!" the tiny spider said.

The goat lady blushed. "Ah! You are very welcome. It is good to have company."

"We're going to gather all of our kindred!" the tiny spider said, then climbed back up its thread out of sight.

Later that day (or night, he really couldn't tell) the man, the goat lady, and several thousand tiny purple spiders were seated in the basement upon the soft brown soil. The man kept them all entertained by singing the blues (but not dancing, as he did not want to accidentally step on his audience). He wrapped an arm around the goat lady's shoulder and she swayed side to side with him while he sang of devils, gambling, magic, and hard times. The tiny spiders clapped along to his melancholy, sombre songs, then gave tiny applause, along with the goat lady. The man knew happy songs, too, but he did not feel like singing them right now.

"You sing with greater feeling than before!" she said.

"I have love inside me," he replied, thumping his power core.

"Or indigestion!" she said.

Their laughter was cut off by the soil shaking underfoot. A skull popped out of the ground, causing all the spiders and the goat lady to scream and back away. Their shouts made the skull afraid, so he began to scream as well. A moment passed with everyone screaming in unison while the man facepalmed.

"That's just Papyrus!" the man said at last.

"You did not say that he is a skeleton!" the goat lady said.

"I've gotten used to weird things!" the man said.

 **"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!"** the tall skeleton said, climbing out of the hole in the ground. His bones, scarf and battle armour were all daubed dirt brown. **"I CONVINCED UNDYNE TO LET ME START THIS NEW TUNNEL IN WATERFALL."**

"You're a very good diplomat!" the man said.

The tall skeleton placed a hand on his hip and the other on his chest. **"NYEH HEH HEH! AS EXPECTED OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS! HEY, WHY IS THE KING WEARING A DRESS?"**

"I am not he who you speak of. I am Toriel, caretaker of these ruins," the goat lady said, frowning a little.

 **"IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS!"**

The tiny spiders were busy marching past them into the tunnel.

"Any difficulty getting here?" the man asked.

 **"NYEH! A STUPID DOG STOLE ONE OF THE BONES I USE FOR DIGGING, BUT OTHER THAN THAT, NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"** the tall skeleton said with a thumbs-up.

The man fixed his deep blue gaze upon the tall skeleton. He reached over and patted him on his clavicle. "You're a true friend, Papyrus."

The tall skeleton's skull blushed bright red, and he placed both hands on his cheekbones. His eyes sparkled. **"TH- THAT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU CALLED ME YOUR FRIEND!"**

The man nodded. "That's the first time I've called _anyone_ my friend." He turned to fix his deep blue gaze upon the goat lady. "You're my friend, too, Toriel," he said, placing a large hand on her broad shoulder as well.

It was in that moment, standing there with his hands on their shoulders, that the man realised this tall skeleton and this goat lady were the most important people to him in all the world. The Mavericks, the Hunters, and the humans all seemed far away and small in comparison to these two monsters. He did not understand why.

The goat lady smiled, her dark red eyes downcast. "Well, good luck with your mission, Dynamo. Good luck to you as well, Sir Papyrus."

 **"THAT HAS A NICE RING TO IT! OH, BUT I AM NOT A KNIGHT! NOT YET, ANYWAY! BUT ONE DAY I WILL BE!"**

The goat lady patted the man's hand, turned around, then walked back down the basement tunnel to her home.

The man clapped the tall skeleton on his battle armour. "Let's go, my friend."

But the tall skeleton was looking at the goat lady as she walked down the tunnel. **"SHE'S NOT COMING WITH US?"**

"Not until the Barrier is broken."

 **"NYOO HOO HOO! SHE LOOKS SO LONELY."**

888

After all the tiny purple spiders evacuated the ruins through the tunnel, the man with silver hair and the tall skeleton wearing a red scarf brought up the rear. The air in the tunnel was cool, shielded from the freezing snows above them. The tunnel itself was lit by small glowing blue bones that lined the smooth circular walls in a pleasing spiral pattern.

"So, your bones don't just dig, they provide light and structural support. This is art."

 **"NYEH HEH HEH! ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"**

When they emerged from the other end, it was to thousands of tiny cheers and tiny legs waving. The angry fish knight was also waiting for them, but she wasn't cheering. Instead of bulky metal armour, she wore a black tank top, blue pants and red boots. The monster child was riding her shoulders, still wearing the man's navy blue helmet.

"Yoooooo!" the monster child hailed them, bouncing up and down on the fish girl's shoulders.

"Papyrus the hero!" the fish girl said to the tall skeleton. She was smiling. Wonders never cease. "That's what they're calling you."

The tall skeleton's cheek bones went through five shades of red blush. **"IT... IT WAS MY DUTY AS A ROYAL GUARD IN TRAINING!"**

"And you," the fish girl said, turning her yellow eyes upon the man with silver hair. She stopped smiling. "You put him up to this."

The man nodded. "I did."

They locked gazes, blue versus yellow. The monster child, tall skeleton and thousands of tiny spiders held their breath.

Her dour demeanour broke into a toothy yellow grin. "You're not so bad."

That caused the tiny spiders and the monster child to cheer again.

The man looked around. The tunnel opening was right next to the sentry station that the short skeleton was supposed to man. He wasn't at his post.

The man clapped his hands, looking down at the spider swarm that covered the area like a huge purple blanket. "All right, hop on me and I'll get you across the water."

"We don't have any problems with water! Just the cold!" one of the tiny spiders said.

The man blinked. "Huh. Well, see you in Hotland, then."

"Thanks again!" another tiny spider said, then the entire swarm moved as one unit towards the waterfall that crossed the main road. Everyone followed them to see what they would do. At the edge of the moving water, the swarm simply climbed the wet rock face beside it, up and out of sight.

"There's lots of ways through Waterfall without getting wet," the fish girl said. "Those who can climb have a much easier path!"

 **"WOWIE, I WISH I HAD EIGHT LEGS!"**

"Please don't put that image in my head. Oh, too late," the man said, shuddered, then continued on his way across the water. The others fell in line beside him.

"Yo, dude! This helmet is the best! I fall down ON PURPOSE now!" the monster child said.

"The kid isn't kidding, I punched his head earlier and he didn't feel a thing. It's just like the super robot armour from the human history books!"

The man reached over to flick the monster child's helmet with one finger, making a _PING!_ sound, causing the wearer to giggle. "It's a titanium alloy that the human genius, Dr. Light, discovered over a hundred years ago. It's lightweight and so durable that we use it in almost everything on the surface, from reploids to pickaxes."

The fish girl smacked the man on his chest, making a _BONG!_ sound. "Punched right through it with my energy spear, though!"

The man wagged a finger. "No two reploids are alike. Some would be immune to your water magic and be weak to, say, fire magic instead."

"I'll just have to learn fire magic too!" the fish girl said, both fists clenched.

"Yo! I wanna learn magic!" the monster child said, waving his armoured head back and forth.

 **"I WOULD BE HAPPY TO TUTOR YOU!"** said the tall skeleton.

"NGAAAH! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED ROYAL GUARD TRAINING, YET!" the fish girl yelled, bonking him on the skull with a _CLONK._

The fish girl knew a shortcut to the ferry terminal, so she led the way. While the waters and flowers shone pale blue light upon them, the monsters talked of their future plans when the Barrier was broken. The tall skeleton wanted to drive his car on the surface roads. The monster child wanted to show his sister the real stars. The fish girl wanted to visit a beach to feel the warm sun and the cold waves against her scales.

"Bet you got lotsa people to see and places to be, huh, Dynamo?"

The man shook his head. "Nobody wants me up there, Undyne. Not after what I..."

He grimaced and shut his mouth. The fish girl looked askance at him, but said nothing.

When they arrived at the terminal, the cloaked figure told them that all the tiny spiders had been ferried to Hotland, safe and sound and dry. The man raised one eyebrow when he saw that the wooden boat was now decorated with a wooden dog figurehead.

 **"EXCELLENT NEWS! I'LL HEAD BACK TO MY POST, THEN!"** the tall skeleton said, then turned on his heel.

The fish girl yanked him by his red scarf. "You're coming with us."

 **"NYEH? BUT I MUST GUARD SNOWDIN FROM INTRUDERS! SANS CERTAINLY WON'T!"**

The fish girl said in a softer voice, "Papyrus, as leader of the royal guard, I order you to stay with us."

The tall skeleton clicked his heels with a snap salute. **"YES, MA'AM!"**

The fish girl looked the tall skeleton up and down. He was still covered skull to phalanges in brown dirt. "Hey, that reminds me. Kid, we gotta cover ourselves in cooling dirt like Papyrus!"

"Yo, let's do it!"

The monster child and the fish girl spent a minute rolling around the muddy river bank until they were the same colour as the tall skeleton.

"Aw yeah! Let's do this!" the muddy fish girl said, jumping onto the boat with a soggy _SPLAT_.

"Yoooooo!" the monster child said, riding her shoulders once more, his once spotless helmet slathered in mud. Even the red visor was soiled. The child couldn't see a thing.

The man facepalmed when the boat grew legs and loped across the water at a rapid pace.

"Even the boat is a dog..." he groaned.

888

The group entered the spider's parlour in Hotland. Tiny spiders - thousands of them hanging from silk or skittering along webs - were clapping along to cheerful music that came from somewhere in the darkness.

"Yo, it sounds like something the musical ghost made!" the monster child said.

"Ahuhuhuhu~ why yes, Napstablook is very talented indeed!" a cackling voice said from the silk-strewn darkness.

"NGAAAH! Why's it so dark in here? Show yourself, Muffet!" the fish girl shouted.

"Ahuhuhuhu~ My, such filthy creatures!" the spider girl cackled.

"I may be dirty but I'm cool!" the fish girl said, flexing clod-covered arms. The cooling dirt had done its job well, absorbing the sweltering heat all the way here. Nobody was sweating (especially not the man, because he had no pores... or skin, for that matter).

"Are you satisfied with your people's care?" the man asked the shadows.

The spider girl descended upon a white web, flanked by her tiny purple brethren.

"I am quite satisfied, dearie," she crooned, stroking the man's cheek with three hands. Then she turned to the tall skeleton. "Papyrus, you are our hero. A hero deserves a kiss."

Three more hands brushed away the dirt from his cheekbone so that the spider girl could plant her kiss there. The tall skeleton blushed so hard that the dirt fell off his skull altogether. He was crying.

 **"WOWIE, MY FIRST KISS!"** he blubbered.

"We want to kiss him too!" a tiny spider said.

"Ahuhuhuhu~ Kiss away, my children!"

The rest of the group stepped aside as thousands of tiny purple spiders swarmed over the tall skeleton, making thousands of _CHU~_ sounds.

 **"MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE! I'M BATHING IN A SHOWER OF KISSES!"** he cried out from somewhere within the swarm of smooching.

"I think we should leave," the fish girl said, sticking her tongue out and making a face.

"Yo, dude, why don't I get kisses?" the monster child said.

"Let him have this," the man said, leading the way out of the spider's parlour.

 **"I'M SO HAPPY! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SANS ABOUT THIS!"**

"i'm right here, paps," a drawling voice said.

 **"SANS? I CAN'T SEE YOU THROUGH ALL THESE SPIDERS KISSING ME!"**

"never seen someone surf the web like you do."

 **"SANS..."**

"keep those little spiders out of your ears or they'll make your head spin."

 **"SANS!"**

"when you get married i'll be happy to congratulate the newly-webs."

 **"SAAAAAAAAAANS!"**

While the tall skeleton screamed, the short skeleton took a seat on the spider girl's web and she poured a cup of spiders for him.


	25. The Musical

The man with silver hair, and the fish girl with the monster child on her shoulders, walked onto a quiet night scene in a castle garden. The set was rather tacky; they could see the strings holding up the moon and stars above. The castle itself was cardboard painted with purple stones, a painted green vine running up its wall. Was it meant to evoke the Ruins... the first Home? The rectangular robot appeared at a window above them.

"OH? THAT KILLER ROBOT... COULD IT BE? MY ONE TRUE LOVE?"

It then rolled out onto the balcony, accompanied by soft harp strings. The music was not tacky at all, but evoked a sense of long nights spent gazing out the window with thriftless sighs at the moon. The rectangular robot was wearing a sky blue gown tied in front with a big blue ribbon. It clasped its hands beside its grid pattern head. It slowly rolled downstairs.

The man with silver hair rose out of his usual hand-on-hip slouch to place a large hand on his chest. He flung out his other hand, then strode forward with purpose, each step _en pointe_ until he stood before the robot wearing a gown, who began to sing!

 _"Oh my love, please run away, Monster King, forbids your stay."_

The gown-wearing robot had a mellifluous singing voice, in stark contrast to its usual speech that sounded like nuts and bolts in a blender. Its sad song was in perfect sync with the rhythm of the harp, and it rolled around the stage, placing the back of its hand against its head as it mourned the difficulty of love.

The fish girl, to her credit, remained silent and stepped aside to let the drama unfold. She even shushed the monster child, who complained that the scene was too mushy.

The man with silver hair followed the gown-wearing robot at arm's length, reaching for the other robot's hand now and then, but never touching. He was silent. The song continued, its dulcet harp tones joined by a morose violin.

 _"Killer bots, the King will smash, with his pet, the dragon brash."_

Pink flower petals blew across the castle garden while the robots danced around each other.

 _"They'll put you, in the dungeon. It'll suck, and then you'll die a lot. Really sad, you're gonna die, cry cry cry, so sad it's happening."_

When the gloomy song drew to a close, a shooting star streaked across the sky, and the pink flower petals vanished. The robots ended their dance with hands clasped.

"SO SAD. SO SAD THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THE DUNGEON," the rectangular robot said in its normal, grating voice.

"Am I really going to fight a dragon?" the man asked.

"YOU REALLY ARE. WELL, TOODLES!"

The rectangular robot pulled a remote control from the folds of its gown, then pressed the big red button. A trapdoor plunged the man below the set.

When the man landed, his eyes saw through the dark to take in the serpentine form of a black dragon. Its snakelike body filled the dungeon, coiling around itself. Its diamond eyes shone with blue light. The man tilted his head to one side and squinted, because perched atop the terrifying scaly head between two sharp horns was a small white dog (or cat?) monster. The furry creature had a full head of long black hair and wore a blue jersey. It stood on all fours, and wore a shoddy gold foil crown on its head.

"hOI! i'm temmie! and dis is tem baby... such a cute!" the crowned monster said, rubbing soft paws over the bony ridge between the dragon's eyes.

The man was aware of the dragon eyeing him, its heavy breathing, and the way it flexed its curved, jagged claws.

"Your baby, is that right?" the man said.

The crowned dog (cat?) monster stroked one of the dragon's horns with its little paws. "tem... WATCHED EGG! Egg... HATCHED! tem... PROUD PARENT!"

The rectangular robot chose this moment to descend, hovering above the scene with its rocket booster. It was still wearing a gown.

"THE MONSTER KING LOVINGLY BRED THIS DRAGON FROM A HARDBOILED EGG! NOW IT WILL EAT YOU!"

The black dragon opened its mouth and a jet of water shot out. The man dashed out of the way, for the force of the water split the rock where he had been standing!

"Water magic!" he said.

"tem... BEST KING!" the crowned monster declared. "tem baby... WIN!"

While the man ducked, dodged and dived to avoid lethal water blasts, claws and tail swipes, the gown-wearing robot began to sing again but at a faster pace. The sober harp and violins were replaced by the victorious trumpet and drum! Who was playing all these instruments?

 _"Oh my love, has fallen down. Now in tears, we all will drown. Dragon spit, will be his end. When he's dead, my soul will rend!"_

What the robot sang, the man could see in his head: the robot holding his handsome but lifeless body upon the lap of its gown... the camera rolling and sad music playing... the Monster King and its dragon looming terrible and triumphant in the background. The image disturbed him so much that the dragon was able to hit him at last with its tail, smashing him into the ground. Quick as lightning, the dragon coiled around his body, trapping his arms and legs. His head was naked before the dragon's open maw. He missed his helmet.

The gowned robot sang, _"So he could, not tame the beast. Now let's watch, the feast..."_

Thinking of his helmet, the man thought of the one he gave it to. That monster child would be an excellent royal guard one day. Or an accountant. Or a dancer. All he needed was the proper education...

"Excuse me, Monster King," the man said as the dragon's dreadful teeth closed around his gorgeous silver head.

"you speak to temmie?" the crowned monster said, patting one of the dragon's finlike ears. The dragon removed the man from his mouth uneaten. The man tried to ignore the sharp white teeth and focused instead on the fluffy white monster wearing the gold foil crown.

"According to my research, this is our most highly rated show ever. It has over twenty viewers!"

The gowned robot said nothing, just hovered there. The crowned monster said, "what that mean?"

"Your Highness, you will send your baby to school one day."

The fluffy monster nodded, its gold foil crown askew. "tem send baby to college! but tem need muns..."

"Money! That's it! Your Highness, if your dragon eats me, the show will be over, people will stop watching, ratings will drop, and you won't get money anymore."

"no more muns?"

"Not one gold coin!"

"but tem need muns for baby cool leg..." the fluffy monster said. It screwed up its face, sweat trickling down its fur, then began to vibrate intensely. It seemed to be thinking hard.

A deep voice that sounded like a rushing river began to speak. "MOTHER, HE HAS A POINT."

The crowned monster gasped and cried a little. "tem baby... first words! tem got called 'mommy'!"

"THE DRAGON SPEAKS!" the gowned robot said, waving its hands at the camera. The camera ignored the robot and zoomed in on the dragon's face.

Deep words rolled from the dragon's tongue like bubbles from the ocean depths, "THE TEMMIE ECONOMY CRASHED WHEN A SMALL WHITE DOG SOLD HUNDREDS OF ITS RESIDUE SAMPLES TO OUR SHOPKEEPER."

"tem ALWAYS want dog residue!" the crowned monster said, drooling a little from its mouth.

The dragon nodded, its heavy voice like crashing waves on the shore, "PRECISELY, MOTHER. LET US HEED THE SILVER MANE'S WORDS."

"temmie love baby, so temmie listen to baby!" the crowned monster declared, then promptly stopped vibrating. She planted a kiss between the dragon's eyes. "mwah! mommy loves baby!"

The dragon uncoiled itself from the man, who stretched his arms and legs. They still worked! He smiled up at the dragon. "Silver mane. That's a nice name for me."

"ONE DAY, I SHALL ALSO HAVE A NAME," the dragon said, blue light dancing in its diamond eyes.

"tem come up with good name for baby! maybe... call baby 'temmie'!"

"NO, MOTHER..."

"aww..."

"...BUT I STILL LOVE YOU."

"yay!"

The dragon turned its great sinuous body around and slithered away from the dungeon. Atop its horned head, the fluffy monster waved a paw, its gold foil crown wobbling. "Boi!" she said by way of farewell to them.

The killer robots looked at each other. Naturally, the gowned robot spoke first.

"WELL, DARLING...! WELL, WELL, WELL. WELLY WELL WELL. WELL WELLY WELL WELL, WELL WELL WELLY. YOU DIDN'T SLAY THE DRAGON."

The gowned robot paused to ruminate upon this turn of events.

"AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE."

The dungeon ceiling shook. Then it partially collapsed with a loud, "NGAAAH!" The fish girl had just punched through to the dungeon with her bare fists. She poked her head and ponytail through the hole she'd made.

"OH YES! FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE!" the gowned robot said, applauding.

"SHUT UP, METTATON!" the fish girl yelled. "Leave pretty boy alone!"

"BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON, DARLINGS!"

"NO! As leader of the Royal Guard, I'm shutting this show down!"

"B... BUT DARLING...!"

"NO BUTS, METTATON! NGAAAAAAAH!" she shouted, then punched the rest of the ceiling down on top of the gowned robot.

The man leaped out of the dungeon to land gently beside the monster child who stood transfixed with mouth wide open.

"YOOOOO! Did you SEE that? She's so cool!"

The man patted the child on his helmet. "One day, you'll be able to headbutt a mountain. In space."

"Dude, what's 'space'?"

The man smiled. "It's above the surface, where the stars and moon live. I'll take you there one day."

The monster child jumped up and down. "Yo, I'm holding you to that!"

The fish girl brushed rocks off her hands. There was not a scratch on her knuckles from crushing several feet of solid rock. Her scales and bones must be harder than steel. She looked at him with her electric yellow eyes. "Hey, Dynamo. I'll call the others so we'll meet you at the Barrier, okay?"

The man gave her a thumbs-up. "Thanks, Undyne. For everything," he said, looking down at the monster child, who looked up at him and also smiled through the red visor.


	26. Bratty and Catty

The man with silver hair stopped at the ice cream cart along the way, where the tall blue rabbit leaned.

"Still no customers, huh?" the man said.

The tall blue rabbit's ears drooped. "Nope! I have competition from MTT Resort. My Nice Cream isn't glamorous enough."

"Humans will buy anything, so please wait a little while."

"Wait for what?" the tall blue rabbit asked, but the man was already walking upstairs where the grandiose hotel sprawled.

The rectangular robot was not one for modesty, judging by his golden image splashed over the glass doors on either side of the golden letters 'MTT'.

Beside the leafy green planters decorating the entrance, the short skeleton was speaking with an anthropomorphic alligator girl and cat girl.

"Hello, Sans."

"hey, mo, 'sup?"

On hearing the man's voice, the monster girls gasped and whirled around.

"OH MY GOD!" they said at the same time in voices so loud and shrill that they echoed.

The man flicked his head, causing his hair to shimmer in the golden light pouring from the hotel. "Ladies."

The monster girls looked at each other and screamed, then they looked at the man and screamed again.

"We totally watched you on TV!" the alligator girl said. She was tall, with green scales, curly blonde hair, and a pink shawl draped over her narrow shoulders.

"You're almost as handsome as Mettaton!" the cat girl said. She was short, round, with purple fur, straight black hair, and blue suspenders strapped over her chest.

The man raised a silver eyebrow. "Almost? He's a _box!"_

"We're so hyped for your next show!" the monster girls said together.

The man struck a pose with one hand on his hip and the other sweeping upward. "Thanks for cheering me on, ladies!"

The monster girls struck poses mimicking his own. "Like, you're welcome!"

"c'mon, girls, you're not letting him get away without an autograph, are ya?" the short skeleton said, winking at them.

The girls gasped. "Such a groovy idea!" they said at the same time.

The man chuckled. "Got a pen on you, ladies?"

"Oh, not THAT kind of autograph!" the alligator girl laughed behind her claws, her pink eyes turned upward.

"We monsters use bullet patterns as our signatures!" the cat girl said, waving her paws in circles around her yellow eyes.

"I thought you wanted _my_ autograph!" the man protested.

"Oh, we totally do, so that means..." the alligator girl started to say.

"...you'll have to fight us and show us YOUR bullet pattern!" the cat girl finished the sentence.

The man held up one large hand that began to shine, its blue light coalescing into the barrel of his buster cannon. "I'll do anything for my fans."

"SO HYPED!" the monster girls said, then held out their claws and paws respectively. The air twinkled with magical energy as white bullets shaped like puckered lips flew outward, circling round the man. He leapt out of the way before the ring of 'kiss bullets' closed on him.

"We've, like, always wanted Mettaton to sign our butts," the cat girl said while she and her friend chased the man around the hotel courtyard with their magical kiss attacks.

"But then we figured, hey, why stop at our butts? Why not..." the alligator girl began to say.

"...our WHOLE BODY?!" the cat girl finished the sentence. "Come on! Shoot us! We want your signature all over us!"

"If you insist," the man said. After dodging the latest wave of smooches, he prepared a special attack. Having full control over his own systems, he drastically decreased the energy output of his buster cannon. Miniature plasma bolts peppered the pair of monster girls in a geometric pattern. Their hair, clothes, scales and fur were singed but did not catch fire. None of the tiny sparks hit their eyes.

"OH MY GOD!" the girls screeched.

"I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?" the man said, holding up both hands.

"Bratty, you look so beautiful now!" the cat girl said, tears leaking onto her plump fuzzy cheeks.

"Catty, you've become gorgeous!" the alligator girl said, water rolling down her eyes and off her snout.

The girls hugged each other, weeping aloud. A lattice pattern had been gently burned onto their clothes and bodies, transforming both monster girls into modern art.

"We're, like, so thankful," they said together.

"We just have some advice for you," the cat girl said, tracing the lattice burn pattern on her left arm with her right paw.

"So yeah, like, that attack of yours is totally weak," the alligator girl said, flicking her wrist.

"It didn't hurt us at all!" the monster girls said together.

The man smiled. "Thank you for the advice, ladies."

"We're totally going to hug you now," the monster girls said, then did just that. The man was crushed between green scales and purple fur. He pet them on their heads.

"Oh my god, he's so cold!" the cat girl said when she let go.

"Felt just right to me... oh my god, did I just say that?" the alligator girl said. Both girls hid their mouths behind their claws or paws, then scurried off giggling into the right-hand alley beside the hotel.

"you're quite the heartthrob, huh, mo?" the short skeleton said. He was now standing beside the man, bony hands hooked into his pockets as he bounced back and forth in his bedroom slippers.

The man smoothed back his silver locks. "It's not a crime to be handsome."

"mo, you're full of it. treat me to dinner, why don'cha?"

"Ain't got no money."

"ain't a problem. c'mon, i know a shortcut."

888

Time and space bent themselves back into their normal configuration. The man was profoundly disoriented for a moment. His sensors did the equivalent of throwing a tantrum. First, they attempted to analyse the spatial displacement, then when they failed, they shut off altogether. All that had happened just from following the short skeleton down the left-hand alley beside the hotel. They were now seated - not walking, but _seated_ \- at a well-dressed table within a fancy restaurant. Mellow music drifted through the lazy half-darkness where several other monster patrons sat dining or chatting at similar tables. The man held his head in both hands and lowered it to the table.

"whoa, mo, you okay?"

"Sensors offline. ALL of them. I'm now blind and deaf."

"you can hear and talk just fine."

The man lifted his head from the table. There was panic in his wide blue eyes. "Sans, if you spent your entire life with a thousand pairs of eyes and a thousand pairs of ears, then suddenly, all of them closed except two, how would you feel?"

"crippled."

"Yes, that's the word."

"sorry you're having a bad time, mo."

The man rubbed his temples. Not that he had a skull. It was just something he'd seen humans do when stressed. "I'll live. You wanted to talk?"

"yeah, so, you're about to leave us..."

They spent some time talking about the man's journey through the Underground. He had originally come here for selfish reasons.

"I have been a failure at life, but my latest failure to find treasure has helped me make friends with you, Papyrus, Toriel, even Undyne."

"and alphys?"

"Not sure she's interested in my _friendship,_ " the man snickered, wiggling his silver eyebrows.

The short skeleton shook his head, grinning as ever. "you're a dog, mo."

"No, everything _else_ down here is a dog. I think it's an eldritch abomination that manifested itself among monsters, and you're all its playthings."

"that's, uh, a very interesting theory."

The man thanked the short skeleton for dinner (although neither of them ate or drank anything) then left the restaurant.


	27. Patience

The centrepiece of the lobby was a stone fountain statue of the rectangular robot. Its aim was off, so it spat a continuous stream of water onto the red carpet. None of the employees seemed bothered by this. Maybe it was a feature? There was a burger emporium beside customer service, but the man with silver hair needed no such creature comforts. He strolled out of the hotel and to the blazing sign that read 'CORE'.

The ground changed from checkerboard linoleum to those damnable bare metal pipes suspended over nothingness. Still no handrails.

The man touched his ear. "Alphys, how does anyone in the CORE get any work done if they have to walk across narrow pipes all day?"

 _"Th-they all have really good balance! Or they fall! Hundreds of feet into the l-lava..."_

"I suppose that does make for a competitive work environment."

He hung up, then followed the treacherous pipelines into darkness only broken by dim neon lights set in the walls. Thankfully, the silly pipes gave way to OSHA-compliant metal flooring. The corridors grew more and more technological the further he progressed: walls inlaid with colourful glass tubes, flickering pylons looming in the background, more of those cyclopean laser eyeballs (which he gleefully shot down). He even solved the spaceship-shooting puzzle again to gain access to a new area. The room had a spotlight on the familiar rectangular figure.

"Hello, Mettaton."

"ALPHYS TOLD ME YOU FIGURED OUT OUR CHARADE," it said in a clipped staccato voice.

"Still going to fight me?"

"THE AUDIENCE YEARNS FOR REAL DRAMA, DARLING DYNAMO! AND WE WILL GIVE THEM THAT IN OUR SHOW'S FINALE... 'ATTACK OF THE KILLER ROBOTS!'"

Lights and music blared. Cameras rolled. This was it. The rectangular robot threw bombs, bullets, and even tried to attack with its extendable segmented arms, but the man with silver hair shot or sidestepped his way to safety.

"I read your blueprints, Mettaton. You have a critical weakness."

"AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, IS IT?"

"Vanity."

The man hurdled over the rectangular frame, reached down and flipped the switch on the killer robot's back.

"DID YOU. JUST FLIP. MY SWITCH?"

The rectangular robot went berserk, jittering about in violent spasms until it exploded. The lights and music died, but the cameras still rolled. Then two spotlights lit up the cloud of white smoke that filled the area.

"Oh yes..." a smooth, sensual voice said. "Ohhh my. If you flipped my switch, that can only mean one thing. You're desperate for the premier of my new body."

The man smiled. He beckoned with one large hand. "I'm waiting."

"I think our finale will be... ABSOLUTELY beautiful."

The smoke cleared, and there stood the killer robot's new body: a complete android model, and what a lovely model it was. The man tilted his head to take in all of its new features: porcelain white 'skin'. Long black hair that covered its right eye. Pink and black battle armour with pronounced shoulder pads. But more than these - _so_ much more - were the _legs._ Legs for days. Legs for miles. Long, curvy, perfectly proportioned legs that ended in stylish pink boots.

"Mettaton, your legs are more handsome than my entire body!"

The pink android swept one luscious leg upward in a graceful arc. Its balance and poise would make a ballerina hang up her shoes. "Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE, darling Dynamo!"

There was nothing left to do but dance. It started off with innocent moves; a spin here, a sweep there, a hop and a skip, but then the bombs started raining down. The man had to break out some fancy footwork and plasma bolts to keep up. Soon the dance floor was a broken and scorched mess, but they just kept on dancing, and the ratings kept going up while the bombs kept falling down. The platform crumbled after one bomb too many, causing both killer robots to fall. The cameras followed them, however, and the audience at home held their breath.

When the debris and smoke cleared, the man with silver hair floated down through frenetic music and strobe lighting with the pink android held high above his head. Reclining upon the other robot's large hands, the pink android had both its segmented arms curved around its head in the shape of a heart while its legs were fully extended in all their leg-endary glory. It was enough to make the audience weep, and they did, wiping their eyes and blowing their noses while calling their neighbours and making new posts on the UnderNet.

The man landed softly upon the ground, then lowered the pink android to standing position.

"That was wonderful," the pink android said, sniffling.

The man pet the pink android on its head. "We gave them a show to remember."

"Yes we did, darling Dynamo. Will you stay while I answer some phone calls from our adoring audience?"

The man shook his head. "I must move on. Your king - and the Barrier - await."

"Ohhh, I'm looking forward to performing for all the humans! Millions of them!" the pink android said, then hugged him hard. The man pet him again for good measure, then waved farewell. He walked down the corridor, but was interrupted by the sound of claws scrabbling over metal behind him.

"W-wait!"

The man stopped walking to turn around. "Hello, Alphys."

"I... I just wanted to t-tell you," she said, panting and sweating, "King Asgore has a vendetta against humans. The moment you break the Barrier, he... he..."

"He'll kill one more human to complete his revolting collection, then kill the rest."

The lizard scientist nodded, trying to catch her breath. The man walked over to her, picked her up, gave her a big hug, nuzzling her chubby cheeks and everything. She squealed, partly with embarrassment, partly with worry. He put her down, then knelt before her on one knee.

"I will protect monsters _and_ humans."

She gave him a thumbs-up. "I... I believe in you!"

The man clutched his chest. His vision grew dark. He went down on both knees. That warm light feeling had grown again! It was getting too big. He didn't have room for it anymore. But he did not die. His sight returned to him, revealing the worried face of the lizard scientist.

"D-Dynamo! You okay?"

"I will be, soon."

He told her goodbye.


	28. Justice

The elevator opened to a gray world. Colour was nowhere to be found. The architecture was a duplicate of the Ruins; brick walls, medieval buildings spreading out before him into the distance. There was silence. He was alone with the greyness.

"New Home, at last," the man said. He followed the road, his boots crunching through autumn leaves that had lost all colour like everything else. One by one, his sensors ticked online with apologetic whirrs.

"Oh, NOW you decide to reboot, after I fought the closest thing to a Maverick the Underground has!" the man said. Shaking his head, he entered a building that was an exact copy of the goat lady's home back in the Ruins, but grey. The only splash of colour was a big yellow flower in a vase.

"Closest thing to a haunted house I've ever seen," the man said as he climbed over the basement stair railing. For the first time in a long time, some small monsters - cat-frogs, shy flies and other creatures - approached the man with a story to tell.

While he walked through the basement, they regaled him with the tale of their prince who made friends with the first human who fell into the Underground. They spun a happy, hopeful image of the first human adopted into the royal goat family. Then everything went very, very wrong. The human became terminally ill. On their deathbed, the human's last request was to see the flowers of their village once more.

The man remembered something. "The village at the base of Mount Ebott. The village that Mavericks destroyed..."

The monsters continued their sad story. In grief, the monster prince absorbed his sibling's soul. He used that power to pass through the Barrier and fulfil that final wish: the prince carried his sibling's corpse to the human village. There, he found the yellow flowers. There, he laid his sibling to rest. But in fear and rage, the human villagers attacked the prince. Though critically injured, the prince did not kill anyone, but instead returned Underground with his sibling's corpse. The prince turned to dust that spread over the castle garden, so the royal goat couple was left to bury two children.

The man paused to reflect. So that was why the King had sworn vengeance, killed six humans, and now planned to commit genocide. All caught up. He was ready to go.

A cat-frog looked at the man as he approached the penultimate doorway. It croaked, "You're going to be free."

888

The corridor was lined with thick Roman columns bathed in golden light that shone through grand stained-glass windows bearing the winged triangle rune. His sensors told him that this was the honest-to-goodness light of the sun. He hadn't felt or seen sunlight in ages.

"It's good to see you again," the man said.

"good to see you too, mo."

The man performed a double-take. "Sans?"

"in the flesh. well, bones."

The short skeleton was looking at him, not with mirth but sadness. "Something wrong?"

"you will be judged."

The warm light feeling in the centre of the man's chest made itself known. It felt like it was squeezing his insides, pressing against his power core. He placed a large hand over it. "Thanks for the courtesy. The Maverick Hunters just shoot first."

"you're a strange guy, mo. you got so many weapons but never took a single life down here, not even mine."

"I was tempted, believe me."

"i'm real glad the old lady made you promise. but, hey, you didn't have to listen to her, yet you did what was right."

"First time for everything."

"looks like you know what you're doing, mo. i, uh, trust you, you know?"

That word ended a long time of waiting. The mysterious process within his DNA program was complete. The warm light feeling spread itself throughout the man's systems. On the outside, he began to glow with blue light, but it was not the magical light of the short skeleton. If anything, the latter was more surprised than he.

"what's happening to you, mo?"

"I'm about to find out," the man said with very real alarm as the warmth and levity overwhelmed all of his sensors, including sight and sound. He lost all sense of time and place. When he could see again, there was a small shining orb floating in front of his chest. It was silver and blue.

"What is this?" the man asked.

"mo... you have... a SOUL..."

Both the man and the skeleton backed away from the silver-blue orb, falling flat on their backsides.

"Sans, I'm not alive. I don't do magic. I'm a reploid, a machine. I'm not a ghost in a shell like Mettaton."

"oh, you figured out what alphys did?"

"Can we focus, please? How did I get a soul?"

The short skeleton stroked his chin bone. Then he snapped his fingers. "oh, you learned the seven virtues. kindness, from obeying toriel. integrity, when papyrus saved you. bravery, when you saved the monster kid. perseverance, when you spared undyne. patience, which made alphys believe in you. justice, when i judged you. and the seventh..."

"The seventh? What is it that virtue?"

The skeleton's eyes went dim, then it said in a slow drawl, "determination."

"Where did I learn the virtue of determination?"

"you had that in you all along, mo. you did say you're the best at living to fight another day."

"That's true. So just learning the seven virtues gave me... that?" he said, pointing at the silver-blue orb floating before him.

"looks like anyone can have a soul so long as they know love, huh? that's really cool. what're you gonna do with it?"

"Do?"

"now that you have a bona fide soul, asgore is gonna fight you. you can kill him, absorb his soul, break the barrier..."

"No way; that's icky!"

"...or he'll kill you, absorb your soul, and... you know the rest."

The man with the silver soul covered his face with both hands. "I can't believe I'm a living creature. Does this mean I'll have to start making babies?"

"that's, uh, a really disturbing image, but sure, do whatever you like. you're gonna be free, mo."

While staring at his own soul, the man came to a sobering realisation. He said, "I'm not sure I want freedom."

The short skeleton shrugged, winked at him, then blipped out of existence, leaving the man alone in the golden corridor with his silver soul to keep him company. When the man reached out to touch it, his soul drifted back into his power core. It was home with him, and now he would never be truly alone.


	29. Determination

From warm golden light to a cold gray corridor, then a refreshing burst of colour again. The throne room was covered in green grass, yellow flowers, and patches of gold sunlight. Beside the throne, there was a horned giant wearing a cape. He was hunched over, his back to the door.

"You're big," the man with the silver soul said by way of greeting.

The giant placed a watering can at his huge fuzzy white feet. He turned around, rising to his full formidable height. He was nine or ten feet tall, if you counted the horns. His white fluffy face was etched with world-weariness, but also benevolence. No wonder the tall skeleton had mistaken the goat lady for this goat man.

"Howdy! How can I help you, sir?" the giant said in a slow, deep voice that rumbled with kindness. He smiled through his thick blonde beard. He wore a golden crown inlaid with precious gems, but neither of those things were worth much on the surface. Post-apocalypse was a tough economy.

The man walked forward, a hand on his chest. "King Asgore, my name is Dynamo."

"That's a very nice name. Er... what sort of monster are you?"

The man blinked. Had every monster in the Underground kept their own _king_ out of the loop? "I'm not a monster, your majesty. I'm a robot... with a soul."

The giant goat man clapped his hands. "Wonderful! Alphys made another one!"

The man shook his head. "No, your majesty. We have to talk."

"I don't mind. Would you like a cup of tea?"

The king of monsters snapped his fingers. A table, chair and tea set poofed into existence before the throne, where the giant goat man sat with a swish of his purple cape. The man sat on the other end of the table, watched the king pour a cup for each of them, then finally began to bring the giant goat man up to speed.

A few minutes later the king put down his empty teacup, then bid the man stand.

"Thank you for your report. Hmmm. I should ask Alphys to update me more often..."

The man said nothing. The king continued speaking, his eyes downcast.

"You know what happens now."

The man shook his head. "Your majesty, please let me destroy the Barrier. Humans and monsters can live in peace!"

The king lowered his head. "That is a nice dream."

The man took a step forward, holding both hands outward in supplication. "The Maverick Hunters will protect monsters! I will, too!"

The king stood from his throne. His broad shoulders quaked. "I will not break my promise."

The giant goat man swept his left arm outward, smashing the table, chair, and tea set against the wall with a long red trident that was suddenly in his hand.

In response, the man jumped backward and ignited his pink plasma blade. It looked woefully inadequate compared to the enormous regal spear.

"Are you ready?" the king asked.

"Not for this," the man replied.

The combatants rushed each other. Plasma slammed into red metal, showering the throne room with sparks. But the trident was not broken! It was covered in a magic fire aura.

"You're really strong," the man grunted, digging his boots into the dirt, crushing yellow flowers.

"It has been years since I felt true might," the king rumbled. Then he swept to one side, blinded the man with his cape, and kicked him in his back. The man crashed headlong into the throne, knocking it over. He performed a forward roll as the trident fell from above, stabbing the flattened flowers where he had been. The king leaped over his throne, retrieved his trident and performed a lethal thrust. The plasma blade caught the trident between the tines, and they struggled, the three points edging closer towards the man's deep blue eyes.

"Nope," the man said. In one quick fluid motion, he deactivated his sword and bent his torso backward from the knees. The king lost balance, piercing empty air. The man transformed both hands into buster cannons as the king fell onto him. There was a loud WHUMP and flash of blue light when the king was blasted upward, trailing smoke as he crashed into the yellow flowers. The man got to his feet, his normal hands holding his plasma sword once more.

"You've lost your crown."

The golden bejewelled hat had rolled away, leaving his horns bare but more menacing than ever. The giant goat man stood up. He had two scorch marks on his battle armour.

"Why did you hold back?" the king asked. "I should be dead."

"I have no quarrel with you. And now, your majesty, I'm going to run away."

"You cannot run from me!" the giant goat man roared, throwing his trident. The man dashed out of the way and through the door at the other end of the room. The trident buried itself in the stone wall, showering the grass with broken bricks.

The man fired his leg boosters until he hit the end of the road: the Barrier. It was a shining rectangular doorway that phased from black to white in an endless negative image recursion.

During the precious few seconds separating him from regal wrath, the man realised that he, like the monster prince, could pass through this Barrier. He had a soul now. He could run away forever from the monsters.

He could run away from his friends and they would never follow.

"This must not be," the man said, then summoned forth his silver-blue soul. It was not just a pretty little ball of light. Since its genesis, his internal diagnostic had noted a sharp increase in energy efficiency across all systems. Accordingly, his maximum energy output had climbed even higher. He was literally a new reploid, a new man. Is this what it felt like to be strong? He held up one hand, gathering all available energy into it. His power core and his soul blazed with red and blue light, rivalling the Barrier's glow.

"Man, I forgot to name this new attack."

"DO NOT!" the king hollered from back down the corridor, his huge footsteps thumping ever nearer.

"Here goes nothing. **EARTH GEYSER OMEGA!** "

The man punched the ground with his shining fist. Many columns of white, blue and purple light erupted in a plasma volcano. It struck the Barrier with such force that the giant goat man was knocked off his feet by the earthquake alone.

With a beautiful sound, the Barrier shattered. The plasma volcano devoured the magical remnants and kept going up, piercing the polluted clouds and lighting up the wasteland for many miles around Mount Ebott.

The man sank to his knees, exhausted. Six shining heart-shaped lights rose from the fist-shaped hole in the ground. They shone green, dark blue, orange, purple, light blue, and yellow in colour. They formed a circle, slowly spinning in the ozone-scented air.

The king was now standing beside the man. "Those are the six human souls I collected. You just broke their containers."

"Woops. Well, you don't need them, now. Barrier's gone."

"I suppose... wait, what is that?"

A yellow flower poked through the fist-shaped hole in the ground. It had a smiling face. The six human souls began to orbit this new arrival.

The flower opened its mouth and said in a saccharine tone, "Howdy! It's me, Flowey the flower!"

There was a flash of light, then twin buster cannons aimed at the flower, but the man then found himself suspended upside down in midair. There were thorny vines binding him from shoulder to toe. The monster king was in a similar predicament.

"Well, well, well. The gang's all here!" the flower cackled, its callow face warping into a gruesome grin.

"Who're you talking about?" the man shouted.

He got his answer when a forest of thorny vines wriggled out of the throne room. They were carrying the goat lady, the skeleton brothers, the lizard scientist, and the fish girl. All of them grimaced with pain, thorns cutting into their fur, scales, or bones.

"What is this?" the goat lady asked.

"Dear!" the giant goat man said, looking at her.

"NGAAAAAAAAH!" the fish girl yelled.

"Ow... owww..." the lizard scientist said.

"i'm having a bad time," the short skeleton said with a wheeze. "and the royal couple is having a baa-baa-d time."

 **"SAAAAANS!"** the tall skeleton shouted, eyes rolling in his skull.

"They all love you so much!" the flower laughed. "You're their hero! I thought only the power of seven souls could break the spell!"

"The ancient humans never accounted for a super fighting robot with the energy output of a hydrogen bomb," the man said.

"That's a wonderful idea! When I'm through with you, I'll blow up all the humans!"

"Who... are... you?" the goat lady said with a strangled gasp.

The flower's face fell. "Don'tcha recognise your own flesh and blood? It's me..."

The six colourful human souls spiralled into the talking flower. The six white monster souls left their respective bodies, following the human souls. The man saw his own silver-blue soul begin to drift away, but he had become attached. He concentrated with all his might: his weapons would not work, and his sensors were dead. The only thing still working was his mind, so he **willed** his soul back into his body.

He was filled with **DETERMINATION**.

There was blinding light, then nothing.


	30. Brothers

When the man awoke, he was grateful that he still carried his own soul. It pulsed within with reassurance. There was a small white monster wearing a green striped shirt standing before him. It was a little goat boy, with tiny horns and bare feet.

"Howdy. It's me, Asriel Dreemurr," the goat boy said in a small voice so naive and pure that it frightened the man.

"You're the prince," the man said in a hoarse voice. His arms and legs felt heavy, but damn it, he would die standing. So he stood, and said, "You're the flower. You didn't die, after all."

"I _did_ die," the goat boy said with a shrug. "But Alphys resurrected me. She extracted pure DETERMINATION from the six human souls, injected them into a flower covered in my dust, and the rest you know."

"I thought I learned all her secrets."

The goat boy smiled. If the man had skin, it would have started crawling. The goat boy said, "After Mom and Dad found me, we tried to be one big happy family again. But I felt nothing. I could not feel love, or hate, or happiness, or sadness. All of my emotions were dead."

The man shuddered. It was not an involuntary body movement. He was a combat model. He knew no fear. Instead, it was his very _soul_ that shook with fear. "Asriel, that means you don't have a soul."

The goat boy stopped smiling. "That's right. Alphys only resurrected my body."

The man noticed the golden cylinder nearby. He held out his hand, and it leaped into his grip, igniting the pink plasma blade. "I won't let you kill any humans, Asriel. You're not walking out of here."

The goat boy grinned. There was no innocence on that youthful face anymore. "You can't kill a _god_ , Dynamo."

The goat boy made a negligent gesture with one hand. The man's arms fell off. He staggered backward. There was no blood, or sparks, or anything. They had been _designed_ to come off if needed. You never know when a big heavy rock might pin your arm or leg.

"You unlocked the servos in my shoulders without me even noticing!"

"You come apart like an action figure!" the goat boy said. Giggling, he waved his little hand, then the man's legs fell off.

The quadruple amputee fell onto his back. He sighed. "I wanted to die on my feet."

"Your bravado is so... human."

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

"You really shouldn't. Anyway, I want you to see something, so come with me."

888

Space and time bent themselves back into their normal configuration. The man with the silver soul did not bother to analyse the spatial distortion, this time. It had become passé.

"See this spot where you fell down?" the goat boy said.

They were both floating above the burnt flowerbed where the man had entered the Underground so long ago. This time, he had no limbs, but he still had memories.

"Your brother, Chara, is buried there."

"Not anymore," the goat boy said, then held out one hand. "Rise."

The flowerbed began to move. The man wanted to look away. He really did. Both human and reploid customs and traditions surrounding death were very clear on one point: _the dead do not come back._ Science knew it, culture knew it, and the Law knew it. But this goat boy did not respect the ultimate barrier. He shattered it with even greater ease than the man had shattered the Underground Barrier. There was no light show, no earthquake, nothing fancy. Just inexorable movement.

The scorched earth rose upward. The man tried to look away, but a deity _wanted_ him to look, so he _had_ to look. He could not even shut off his eyes. The sleeping face of a human child emerged from the dirt, but it was whole and healthy, with clear skin and rosy cheeks. No decay. When the rest of the dirt fell off, the man saw that the child was fully clothed in a green striped shirt, plain brown pants and shoes.

The man resorted to begging. "Asriel, DO NOT..."

The goat boy ignored him. He landed beside the human child, touched their hand and said, "Chara? It's me, your best friend."

The human child began to breathe. With a yawn and a stretch, they opened their eyes. Their eyes were brown. They got up, turned and looked upon the face of their brother.

"Asriel!" the human child squeaked with delight, then glomped the little goat boy, who returned the hug. They both began to cry. The man wanted to cry, but for entirely different reasons.

"I missed you!"

"I missed you too!"

"Where's Mom and Dad?"

"They had to go away for a little while, but I'll bring them back! You'll see!"

"You're the best, little bro."

"Hey! I'm not little anymore! I'm a god!"

The children laughed. The man did not. The human child noticed him.

"Hey Asriel, who's that? He's got no arms or legs!"

"That's Dynamo. He's in 'time out' for bad behaviour."

"Aww, silly guy. Should know better than to question The Absolute God of Hyperdeath!"

The goat boy scrunched his nose. "Chara, quit making fun of me!"

"Never!" the human child laughed, then hugged the goat boy, and they laughed together.

The man groaned. "Your plan won't work, Asriel."

"Sure it will! My plans didn't work before, but they'll always work from now on."

The human child touched the goat boy's arm. "That reminds me, bro. I never got to see the flowers of my village."

The goat boy smiled. "You did see them, Chara. Back then, I absorbed your soul, remember? You saw through my eyes."

"I remember now. When I saw the villagers hurting you, I wanted to..."

The human child lowered their hand, then their eyes.

The goat boy tugged their sleeve. "Chara?"

"I wanted to hurt them. You didn't let me."

The goat boy hugged the human child. "It's okay. Now we can hurt as many humans as we like."

"But that's not why you brought me back, bro."

"It's... not?"

The human child wore a serene smile while they spoke. "No. Your power awakened me from death. My 'soul', my 'determination', they were not mine, but _yours,_ Asriel. At first, I was so confused. Our plan had failed, hadn't it? Why was I brought back to life?"

The human child held the goat boy at arm's length to look deep into his eyes. " _You._ I now know the purpose of my reincarnation: **love**. Together, we will bring Mom and Dad back, and be a family again."

The goat boy began to cry. "Stop making that creepy face!"

The human child was grinning, now, their red lips curling over small white teeth. Their brown eyes opened wide. "Do it, Asriel. Bring everyone back, even the monsters we don't like. Let's play catch. Let's drink tea. Let's eat butterscotch cinnamon pie. We will be filled with love."

The goat boy fell backward with a startled cry, then everything froze in place. The man, the human child and the goat boy were suspended in time. Then the goat boy snapped out of it, thumping onto his backside. He continued weeping.

"It's wrong! It's all wrong! Chara doesn't... have a soul either..."

The goat boy got up and pointed at the man, who also snapped out of place. His limbless torso thudded onto the ground. The goat boy climbed onto his chest to stare earnestly into those deep blue eyes.

"Tell me what I did wrong, Dynamo! Tell me how to fix it!"

The man was indignant. "I'm not your Daddy."

"Tell me, damn it!"

"Okay, ow, stop hitting me. Listen. Neither of you has a soul. Think about what that means."

The goat boy whined. "I don't like puzzles, but I'll try."

He stuck both index fingers into the sides of his head, closed his eyes and stuck out his little pink tongue. After a while his jaw dropped. "Oh no... we're NOT the real thing!"

"That is correct. Asriel and Chara are dead, and no amount of power in THIS world will bring their souls back from the afterlife."

"We're just... bodies."

"You have Asriel's memories, but not his soul. That... thing... you created, has Chara's memories, but it isn't Chara."

"And I'm not Asriel."

The goat boy shook his head, which caused his big floppy ears to slap back and forth. Time resumed its flow. The human child blinked.

"Chara, did you hear everything we said?"

"Yes, brother. I heard."

"How do you feel about it?"

The human child held out a small hand. "I just want to love you again, Asriel. It doesn't matter what you did, or what you are."

The goat boy took their hand in his. "And I want to love you, too. That's why we must leave this world, Chara."

"I'll go anywhere with you."

The goat boy wiped his eyes and put on a brave smile for the man. "Well, goodbye. But before I go, I better put you back together."

888

Space and time turned inside out. The man with the silver soul was deposited in the former location of the Underground Barrier. The goat boy and the human child stood beside him.

"Glad your arms and legs don't have minds of their own," the goat boy said with a snort. He waved both hands at the scattered limbs. "Wouldn't want to waste more time chasing them."

"Where will you go?" the man asked as his arms and legs reattached themselves to his shoulders and hips. "Thanks, by the way."

"You're welcome. Where we're going, you won't follow until your own life ends."

The man rubbed his arms and legs, his mouth forming a grim line. "I think you made the right decision."

"I can't hold onto all these souls for much longer, and I'm tired of being a flower. Real tired."

Hand in hand, the goat boy and the human child walked upward to the surface of the Earth. The man with the silver soul followed them. They stood on a ridge in the side of Mount Ebott. The three of them took some time to appreciate the golden sunrise peeking over the horizon. Even though the surface world was a dusty wasteland with a dirty purple sky, the sunshine made the broken vista beautiful.

"Haven't seen the sun in years," the human child said, holding out one small hand as if to touch the star.

"Second time I'm seeing it," the goat boy said. He shielded his eyes on reflex, but then looked unafraid at his first and last sunrise. "It was sunset the first time I saw it. This is so much more beautiful."

The man with the silver soul was a silent presence behind them. He then held out both of his large hands and pet the children on their heads. The children leaned into his petting. Then six colourful souls rose out of the goat boy. The man stepped back as the six human souls began to orbit the children.

"Goodbye, Dynamo."

"Goodbye, Asriel. Goodbye, Chara."

The bodies of the children dissolved into sparkling lights that the six human souls carried up and away into the sunrise. The white monster souls, thousands of them, were set free in a spiral storm of spirits that returned to their Underground home.


	31. Truth

The man with the silver soul waited there on the sunrise ridge until he heard tentative monster footsteps travelling upward to where he stood.

"Oh, it is Dynamo!" the goat lady said.

Soon, the man was surrounded by his monster friends.

"What happened after you broke the Barrier?" the fish girl asked.

The man frowned. "You don't remember?" he said in a deadpan tone.

"N-no? Should we?" the lizard scientist asked.

The man facepalmed. "Alphys, you have a video projector. I will not say another word until you bring it to the throne room."

The lizard scientist left with the fish girl in tow.

 **"WOWIE, ARE WE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE?"** the tall skeleton said.

"i have a feeling none of us will like it," the short skeleton said, although he was still grinning.

The man stood there with his arms folded, glaring at the sun rising into the purple sky, until he heard the lizard scientist call him back underground. He and everyone else marched down to the throne room where the video projector and a huge white screen were already set up. The man placed one hand upon the video projector, transmitting electric blue energy into it. The bulb switched on.

The man spoke in monotone, his eyes fierce. "What I am about to show you is one-hundred-percent real, unedited footage downloaded directly from my raw memory banks. It starts after I break the Barrier."

The video projector told the tale for him. The treacherous flower, the godlike goat boy, the human child reborn, and their departure. At the end of it, there was not a dry eye in the room but his.

"I wish I could cry with you," the man said, his head drooping.

The goat lady approached the man. She lifted his chin, dabbed her own eyes with two fingers, then pressed those wet fingers to the man's cheeks. Her eye water ran down his face.

The man fell to his knees, knocking over the video projector. He hid his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said over and over.

He felt hands upon his head. Bony hands, scaly hands, fluffy hands. They were petting him. It had come full circle.

"I'm not a dog," he said.

"cheer up, mo. we all got dead people to bury."

 **"YOU ARE A VERY GOOD FRIEND! YOU SHOWED US THE TRUTH!"**

"It is time to move on," the goat lady said.

"Oh, may we move on... together?" the giant goat man asked her, his fluffy eyebrows rising.

The goat lady cut her eyes at him. "In your dreams, Dreemurr."

The king slumped his shoulders. "Aww..."


	32. Hunters

The man with the silver soul stood on the sunrise ridge with his monster friends.

"Why's the sky purple, Dynamo?" the fish girl said.

"Years ago, humans built a giant space station for people to live in. An evil man infected the space station with a wicked computer virus. The station fell from space, hitting the Earth so hard that the surface was destroyed. The virus scattered everywhere. It can infect robots as well as humans. It lives in the sky, now," he said, pointing at the clouds painted with a purple tinge. "It is a physical manifestation of cyberspace."

"I don't understand anything you just said," the fish girl said.

"I don't understand half of it, myself," the man admitted, "but the Maverick Hunters will fix everything. It's their job. And they've found me."

The lizard scientist adjusted her glasses. "F-found you?"

Four beams of red, blue and white light landed on the ridge a little distance from their group. The light beams became four men dressed in battle armour. The short one was blue, the tall one with the blonde ponytail was red, and the tallest two were white.

"W-wow! Instant energy-to-matter conversion!" the lizard scientist said.

The man with the silver soul waved one large hand at the newcomers. "Hello, X. Hello, Zero. And your friends...?"

"Lifesaver," the two tallest white men said at the same time.

"Dynamo," the short blue man said, walking over to the group. "Please, introduce us to your friends."

"Yes, please do," the goat lady said.

"Everyone, these are the leaders of the Maverick Hunters. This blue guy is Megaman X, and that red guy with the ponytail is Zero."

"A pleasure," the red man said with a nod.

"I love your hair!" the fish girl said.

The red man smiled, running one large hand through the fountain of gold cascading down his back.

The man with the silver soul walked forward, holding up both hands. "As for who these good people are, it would be faster if you just downloaded my memories."

"Agreed," said the blue man. "Standing by."

"Standing by," the red man and the two white men echoed.

The man summoned forth his silver-blue soul. "But first, could you guys tell me what this is?"

"Dynamo has a cyber-elf!" the red man said, his blue eyes opening wide.

"A what?"

"Calm down," the blue man said. "We call the reploid soul a 'cyber-elf'. It is the culmination of our being. With it, we can live on in cyberspace even if our physical body is destroyed."

Having said that, the blue and red man summoned forth their own blue and red souls. The man and his monster friends all looked on in shock. The blue and red spheres of light did a little twirl around each other before re-entering their hosts.

"I thought I was special," the man said with a pout, pulling in his own soul.

"You are special, in a way," the blue man said. "It took thirty years of ethical testing for my DNA program to give birth to my cyber-elf. Zero's DNA program gave birth to his cyber-elf when he gave his life to save mine during the first Maverick War."

"You don't look d-dead," the lizard scientist told the red man.

"I got better," he replied, then said, "Dynamo!"

"Present!"

"Your DNA program gave birth to your cyber-elf! Tell us why!"

"Oh, right. Uploading memory banks... now."

The five men stared at each other for a long moment. Then they all closed their eyes. The six monsters looked among them in confusion. Then their eyes opened.

"Fascinating," the blue man said. "Dynamo, your DNA program gave birth to your cyber-elf after you made true friends."

"I always did prefer the easy way out."

"Curious," the two white men said in unison.

"Irrelevant," the red man said. He stepped forward to point a finger at the man with the silver soul. "Epiphany does _not_ equal absolution. No matter how many monsters you befriended, no matter if you have a cyber-elf, you're still guilty of the greatest crime in Earth history."

"What's the pretty red dude talking about, Dynamo?" the fish girl asked.

"I killed the world."

"You what?" the giant goat man said.

"The evil man who dropped the space station - the Eurasia colony - was me. Is me. The villain Sigma created the virus, but he just made the bullet. I'm the one who pulled the trigger."

"There is no human or reploid law that describes the punishment for destroying a planet," the blue man said without a trace of humour in his voice. "Billions of humans and reploids died from the virus or the pollution."

The six monsters lowered their heads, then moved away from the man with the silver soul. They drew their weapons, or charged their magic. He, too, lowered his head. He did not blame them, but he was very sad. His hopes and dreams withered away...

"Leave him alone," the fish girl said.

The man with the silver soul looked up, startled. The monsters now stood in front of him, between him and the Maverick Hunters. They were defending their friend. The goat lady and the giant goat man had fireballs dancing between their hands. The fish girl held a blue spear in one hand and green magic shining in the other. The skeleton brothers gripped long blue bones like baseball bats. The lizard scientist was aiming her cell phone like a gun.

"Mr. Dynamo is under MY jurisdiction," the monster king said. "Mount Ebott and all these lands are an extension of my kingdom."

"You hold no claim to these lands, even if they're a dustbowl," the red man said, getting up in the monster king's face... or his chest. The giant goat man towered a good two feet over the red warrior. The fish girl placed herself between the red man and her king. She snarled.

"Zero, stand down!" the blue man commanded.

The red man backed off.

"What if we could claim them?" the goat lady said, clasping her hands to dismiss the flickering flames.

"I'm listening," the blue man said.

She told him her plan. The blue man excused himself to confer with his fellows. The red man was indignant. The two white men were suspicious. Eventually, the blue man signalled for the goat lady to proceed.

The goat lady smiled, then called the other monsters to her side. They lowered their weapons and dismissed their spells. "Undyne, please invite temmie's baby dragon."

"Sure thing, Mom."

The goat lady gasped. "I am not your mother!"

The giant goat man blushed when the fish girl looked at him. "Well, this big fluffy guy adopted me, so..."

The goat lady rolled her eyes. "I shall hear your story later. Please go, my child."

After the fish girl disappeared underground, the goat lady addressed the skeleton brothers.

"Sans, Papyrus. Can you do it?"

The tall skeleton saluted. **"THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER FAILS!"**

"i dunno, old lady."

"Please try, for all our sakes."

She glanced at the giant goat man. "You will help me."

"Yes, dear."


	33. Kingdom

Everyone made way for the dragon as it slithered out of Mount Ebott. Its serpentine form stretched up to eclipse the rising sun.

"I saw you in Dynamo's memories, but you're far more impressive in person," the blue man said with awe written all over his earnest face. It is not every day that one meets a live dragon.

The dragon bowed to the much tinier figure. **"WELL MET, REPLOID KING,"** it said in a voice as deep and peaceful as the eddying waters of a sea cave.

The red man began to laugh. He slapped the blue man on the shoulder. The blue man was not amused.

"Let us begin," the goat lady said. She held out one hand to the giant goat man. He looked at it. "Let us begin!" she said again.

"Oh. I thought... never mind."

The king took her hand in his own. He gave her a little smile. She did not return it. Instead, she said, "I call upon the fires of autumn."

Everyone else gave the royal couple a wide berth when their magical auras appeared. The heat was intense, the light was dazzling. Their auras swirled together, around each other, then upward in a fiery tornado.

"Purge the disease from the skies," the king said.

The great fire struck the purple sky. It raced outward through the clouds with orange and red flames, devouring the virus, leaving calm, warm winds in their wake.

"Impossible," the two white men said. "The colony virus disappeared from this quadrant."

"I can't feel its evil anymore," the red man said with profound relief.

"Marvellous!" the blue man said, clapping his hands. "I thought only our antivirus programs could do that."

The sky was now a tranquil blue colour almost to the horizon. The royal couple unclasped their hands, then bowed to the short skeleton. He shuffled forward in his bedroom slippers, scratched the side of his skull, then shrugged.

"it's our turn, undyne."

"You better not slack off!" the fish girl said. Her scaly hand joined his bony hand. "I call upon the snows of winter!"

To the astonishment of some present, a windy aura swirled around the short skeleton. Apparently, that had been his element all along. It combined with the fish girl's watery aura to create a freezing gale.

"purify the soil."

The winter wind wound its way down the mountain to break upon the plains, lashing outward until every inch of wasteland was beneath a uniform blanket of snow.

The short skeleton and fish girl let go, then bowed to the tall skeleton.

 **"I BELIEVE THAT IS OUR CUE, SIR DRAGON!"** he said, then placed a bony hand upon the dragon's claw.

 **"I CALL UPON THE DEWS OF SPRING."**

The tall skeleton's earth magic aura resonated with the dragon's water magic aura.

 **"RESTORE LIFE TO THE SOIL."**

Their magic flowed into the earth, which trembled underfoot as the power spread down the mountain to the snow plains. Ice melted, revealing rivers, ponds and lakes where there had been naught but dust before. Long dead seeds felt water's kiss.

The tall skeleton and the dragon bowed to the royal couple.

"Come here, Sans," the goat lady said.

"do i have to?" he whined, but shuffled over to stand between the goats. He reached up to hold their hands, looking like a creepy child with unlikely parents.

"I call upon the storms of summer," the giant goat man said.

Wind and fire magic flew freely across the sky.

"lay the foundations of new life."

The winds and flames translated into a hurricane that ripped into the earth and water below. Those who stood on the mountain had to brace themselves against the tearing winds. After a few minutes, the eye of the hurricane expanded until the storm relaxed into mild winds.

"Whoa, it's a muddy m-mess down there," the lizard scientist said, wiping her glasses and squinting. "What was it all f-for? Your majesties?"

The rivers, ponds and lakes had all slopped over and into each other, turning the area around the mountain into a swamp.

"Nature does not tolerate order," the goat lady said.

"There must be chaos for life to take root," the giant goat man said.

"so we made a mess on purpose. it's my style."

 **"OH, NO! THIS WILL ENCOURAGE YOU TO BE EVEN MESSIER!"**

"gonna leave my socks wherever i like," the short skeleton said with a wink.

"I-I don't think the humans can live in that m-mess," the lizard scientist said.

"Humans and reploids will shape the land to their liking. They can build anything, live anywhere," the blue man said.

"The pollution is gone!" the two white men said with one voice. "Radioactive fallout, negative. Virus readings, negative."

"It's a miracle," the blue man said.

"It's impossible," the red man said.

"It happened, get over it," the fish girl said, thumping the red man on his back (it was just an excuse to play with his ponytail. The red man was too flabbergasted to react).

The blue man saw that the creation was good. He said, "The land and the king are one. Fair enough, King Asgore. You fixed it, you bought it. By the power vested in me, this mountain and all outlying lands are now your kingdom. As such, all criminals that enter this area are lawfully within your jurisdiction. I release the prisoner Dynamo into your custody. Do with him as you see fit."

"That's it?" the red man said.

"That is, indeed, it. We are leaving."

"We witness you, Commander X," the two white men said.

"Acknowledged, Lifesaver. Return to base."

The white men became twin beams of white light shooting into the now clear sky.

The red man glanced at the man with the silver soul. "Humans will migrate here. We will be watching them... and you."

"I expect nothing less."

The red man became a beam of red light that ascended to the heavens.

The blue man stepped up to shake his hand. "Dynamo, after everything I've seen, you'd make a fine Maverick Hunter."

"I don't want to be a Hunter, X. I just want to be my own man."

"I can respect that," he said, then turned to the giant goat man. "Your majesty?"

"Yes?"

"Will you accept human and reploid migrants into your kingdom?"

"Certainly. There is room enough for everyone up here."

The blue man bowed. "Thank you." He then resumed his earlier conversation. "Dynamo, if you need help, you have my frequency."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... same here. Call me anytime, X."

The blue man nodded, smiled, then became a beam of blue light that soared skyward.

"What do we do n-now?" the lizard scientist asked.

The fish girl sniffed the air. "I smell... salt and water."

The man with the silver soul said, "There is an ocean on the other side of this mountain."

"The ocean smells delicious! I'm heading for the beach. Come on, dragon kid," the fish girl said with a wave.

 **"THE BEACH SOUNDS NICE,"** the dragon said, following the fish girl down the mountainside.

"H-hey! Guys, wait up!" the lizard scientist called out, hurrying after them.

 **"I'M GOING TO DIG TUNNELS FOR THE NEW HUMAN MIGRANTS!"** the tall skeleton declared.

"paps, i think humans live in houses."

 **"NONSENSE! TUNNELS ARE FAR MORE STYLISH! ESPECIALLY THE ONES I DIG! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"**

The tall skeleton ran down the mountainside. The short skeleton shrugged. "somebody's gotta keep him out of trouble," he said, then slouched downhill.

The royal couple looked at the man with the silver soul. "You are welcome to live with me," the goat lady said.

"Or with me!" the giant goat man said.

The man laughed. "Thanks, both of you, but I've already chosen my home. Later!"

With that, the man turned away from the sun to go underground again.


	34. Stars

The man with the silver soul retraced his steps through the Underground. In New Home, every monster he passed was busy packing their stuff to leave for the surface. In the Core, all the puzzles and traps were shut down. Employees were nowhere to be found.

In Hotland, the MTT Resort was almost totally abandoned. There was just one guy working the burger emporium, who insisted that his working hours weren't over and that he was out of vacation days. The rest of Hotland was filled with long lines of monsters on their way up and out. The pink android was among them.

"Darling Dynamo, so good of you to stop by."

"You organised all these people, Mettaton?"

"Well, someone has to, and I figured the best person for the job is the one they all love!"

"WE LOVE YOU, METTATON!" the cat girl and the alligator girl screamed. They were both holding suitcases stuffed with garbage.

The Waterfall area's rivers were filled with aquatic monsters swimming to join the queues in Hotland. Their suitcases and bags were stuffed with cooling dirt.

The town of Snowdin was quiet. Most everyone was filing out of town, their belongings in wheelbarrows. The hulking grey wolf man was helping the bunny sisters carry their things, especially products from the item shop.

"You are our hero, Dynamo!" the curvy purple bunny said. "Look for us on the Surface!"

"Thank you for everything!" the thin pink bunny said, waving.

He waved back to them, flashed a million-dollar smile. "Later, girls."

Down the road, there was the armless monster child who wore the man's helmet. He was dragging a school backpack by his teeth. The man met him and offered to carry his luggage.

"You're riding the Dynamo Express all the way to the Surface. Choo choo!" the man said after placing the monster child on his shoulders. He even made the motion of pulling down on the train whistle.

"Yo, dude! What's the surface like?"

"I won't spoil it for you. Where are your parents, and your sister?"

"They'll catch up later! Let's go!"

"I'm not in a hurry. Let's wait for them."

The man stood there until both of them were covered with a new layer of snow.

The monster child's voice sounded even smaller than usual. "Yo... dude... I gotta tell you something..."

"What's that, kid?"

The child spoke in barely a whisper. "I don't got... no parents..."

"Huh?"

"I don't got... no sister... no more."

The man reached up, picked up the monster child, then brought them down for a hug. He let the child cry into his chest.

"Hey, kid."

"Dude?"

"You got room in your family for a big brother?"

"C'mon, dude... you've been my big brother since we met."

"Whatever you say, bro."

It was night-time when the man emerged from the Underground carrying the monster child on his shoulders. The stars were out in the clear night sky. There was no more light pollution anywhere on Earth, so they did not just see stars; they saw the grand band of the Milky Way galaxy itself. Millions, billions of twinkling stars visible to the naked eye.

The monster child hopped off the man's shoulders, then rummaged through his school backpack. He pulled out a picture frame with his teeth. It was a family portrait. He turned it to face the night sky. Then he sat down beside it.

"Look, sis. I brought you to see the stars. Gosh, just look at them."

The man sat beside his little brother, and they stargazed together.

888 THE END 888


End file.
